


Lying Next to Me (and Straight to My Face)

by Meadow_Wanderer



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, December 16 1991, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, Lies, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mission Report, Multi, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark working alone, Tony Stark-centric, Trust Issues, doesn't know who to trust, feeling betrayed, or what to believe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-08-29 04:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8475172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meadow_Wanderer/pseuds/Meadow_Wanderer
Summary: He's sitting there on the carpeted floor with blood dripping down the back of his head, holding the battered red notebook with trembling hands. He looks up from the page and tries to blink away the scribbled words that are burned into his retinas. He can't breathe, can't get his throat to work properly because it feels like he's being strangled by the sheer truth of what he realizes now.
 They knew. Oh god, they knew. When Tony discovers a devastating secret, it will threaten to tear apart everything they hold dear.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone and there mother has gone to see Civil War by now (and if not, you definitely should!). I think the difficult part about writing fanfic post Civil War is trying to get STony or even Starbucks (Steve/Tony/Bucky)back together after that. Like it's really freakin' hard and most of the time can leave some of us unsatisfied; I've even read really Post Civil War stories where they refer to CW events (Bucky and Steve beating the crap out of Tony/leaving him in the dust or cold) and it never sits right with me when they all get happy ending but don't really work for it/skim over it quickly.
> 
> TONY DESERVES MOTHERFUCKIN BETTER!
> 
> So Importante facts that will help make this easier:
> 
> 1) this is Post CA: Winter Soldier. The actual present time storyline takes place about almost 2 years (like 1 year and 9 mos) after Shield fell.
> 
> 2) the events of AoU will NOT occur (sorry really don't like Wanda's character so have no desire to incorporate that mess but if that changes, you'll know).
> 
> 3)Steve Tony and Bucky had come together through a long period of time (about 10 months after Shield went down, and have been together for a year). If you get where I'm heading with that, kudos to you cause it's CW related. And of course this story I'm doing comes to light after they've already started their relationship so it makes everything more at stake!
> 
> 4) If you've seen Civil War, we obviously know what already happened in the film but it's interesting to me to see Tony work through it and work out the facts. (if this statement is confusing, trust me you'll understand later).
> 
> 5) This story incorporates Civil War things in this story so SPOILER ALERT and CONVERGING STORYLINE!
> 
>  
> 
> *The tag of dubious consent has been added because though the boys have sex that appears consensual, the fact that Steve and Bucky have been lying to Tony about something huge and withholding the information makes their sexual acts leaning towards dubcon.*
> 
> *PS* First chapter is talking about "the past" referring to everything immediately following CA: Winter Soldier. That will lead us into the next chapter/sequential chapters of "the present" where Tony will review what happened in the passing 1 1/2 and then continue onward. I just needed like a chapter to establish the beginning. Then we can get to the angst. *cackles gleefully*

 

- _the past_ -

 

He taps his foot impatiently on the tiled floor of the lab, waiting as JARVIS phones the familiar number. When the call connects after three rings, he doesn't even allow the person on the other end to get a word in. 

"No one called me," he says in way of greeting. "Why the hell did no one call me?"

"Hello to you too Stark," Natasha says, no doubt a smirk on her face; of course such smugness seems well-deserved after dumping the all of the now overthrown  ~~SHIELD~~ HYDRA files on the internet for any amateur blogger's delight and then giving the government a big finger salute in court. 

"Tell me why I had to watch the hellcarriers I designed meticulously for months on end, be used for nefarious purposes and then obliterated in a fiery death."

"The bad guys were trying to take over the world again. Shouldn't your all-knowing A.I. have gotten the memo right away?" she asks, almost playfully.

"JARVIS may be a leap for mankind, but he's stilled as flawed as my human ability. Plus I was in a 'do not disturb workshop time'. So no, I didn't get to know of this first hand, since I obviously wasn't on your speed dial. Instead I had to learn of this by watching second rate clips from Fox News."

"We were a little busy," she offers, not sounding all that sorry.

He huffs, a bit annoyed. "Where are you?"

"In a hospital, currently watching our bed-ridden leader try to lift a spoonful of jello to his mouth without wincing."

"Cap's there? Good. Give him the phone."

He hears exasperated shuffling, and Nat's "It's Stark" in the background.

"Tony?" Steve's voice comes on, sounding hesitant and tired.

"Ah, so he lives! Heard you took a little dip into the Potomac River Cap. Glad to know you didn't stay there though, because I really don't see you as much of an Aquaman. Of course, had you decided to actually  _call_ _me_ , you wouldn't of had that problem seeing as I would of saved your ass before your hair could've even skimmed the water."

"Language," Steve chastises, words jokingly soft. Tony then hears a sigh of fondness come over the line. "Nice to know you were worried. But it's no big deal, we made it out okay."

"'No big deal', says the man lying in a hospital bed" he mutters unimpressed, shuffling designs around on his desk to keep his hands busy. "You and Nat take down a government organization all by yourselves?"

"We had some help. Fury, Hill, and Sam did a huge part of the work."

Nick _I-got-my-eye ~~-~~ on-you_ Fury and Maria  _crossed-arms-unimpressed-mom-frown_ Hill he knows, but he's unfamiliar with the third party "Sam?" 

"Sam Wilson. He's a veteran I met up here in D.C. and got to become good friends with. Helped us out of a tight spot and gives great air support; flies exo-7 wings as easily as one of those birds in the videos on the internet."

"Like a falcon, not a damn cockatoo," a voice argues in the background. 

"Language," Steve tiredly directs at Sam, the underlying camaraderie in his tone making Tony's gut clench; he should've been there to help.

He sits himself down on his workbench. "J, run a background check on Sam Wilson."

 _"Of course sir,"_ his beloved A.I. complies.

"Tony you don't have to do that. Sam's a good guy."

"Eh, never can be too careful these days, Cap. Better to be safe than sorry." 

He thinks he imagines Steve smiling on the other end, humored by his antics. "Yeah, whatever you say Tony."

He grins without meaning to, and then snaps out of his stupor to focus back on the conversation. "So...all the bad guys gone?"

Steve suddenly and vehemently chokes out, "God I hope so."

Tony face falls as he hears the sound of Steve swallowing thickly. "Steve?" he asks, concerned. 

"They...they brainwashed someone I knew. Used him as a their puppet," the guy says, voice nearly in tears. The phone seems to creak beneath his grip.

"Who?" Tony asks, voice small.

"Bucky," Steve gasps out sharply. "It's Bucky. I thought he died Tony, but apparently, he's been alive this whole time. I saw him fall from the train and I just left there and this is my fault-"

"Hey, shhh" Tony says, trying to ease the man's devastated rambling. "Shh. It's not your fault what happened to him, Cap. It's Hydra's."

He hears a small, almost inaudible sniffle over the line. "He ran off and I don't know where to begin to look for him. He's so lost..."

He doesn't even hesitate to say, "Don't worry. I can help you with that, Steve."

There's silence for a moment, before Steve asks in solemn awe. "You'd do that?"

Jesus, this stubborn saint needs to know he's gonna have his back. He thinks they've come a long way from their first meeting in New York but even now their fearless leader needs reassurance. "Of course. We're a team Cap. Like the ol' man said, 'together'." And that is the last time he'll ever bring up Howard in conversation willingly.

"Thank you," Steve says in disbelief. "Tony...thank you."

He allows himself a smile. "It's no problem, Cap. I'm guessing Romanov and your bird sidekick are gonna wanna join?"

Steve's voice is muffled for a moment as he speaks to someone. Widow's reply is too quiet to hear, but Sam's voice calls loud and clear from the background. "Hell yes I am! Just try to leave me behind, I dare you." Tony thinks he hears the guy whisper under his breath, ' _let's see if you can run laps around me now spangle boy.'_

He laughs, not even able to hear Steve chastising the guy for the cussing. 

 

-/-

 

It takes almost 3 months of scouring the world before their luck changes.

Tony's sitting this search out, having to finish up some of the newest tech upgrades for SI's latest haul. The headphone in his ear allows him to hear the others' conversing as they make there way through Turkey, following a few leads on Barnes' last known whereabouts. 

 _"I still think maybe we should just let the guy run it out_ ," Clint suggests. " _It'll be like Forrest Gump, and eventually after a few years he'll get tired and come to us."_

Sam immediately shoots that idea down _. "That sounds nice, except for the fact Tom Hanks stayed in the States. Our guy decides to make things more difficult by being a shady Carmen Santiago."_

 _"Bucky's just running because he's scared,"_ Steve tries to placate. _"He's confused and probably worried about whatever is left of Hydra coming after him. He could be hurt Sam. He must be in a lot of pain with that arm."_

 _"You mean the one he broke my wings with effortlessly? Yeah, excuse me for not being a happy camper about the situation,"_ the veteran says grumpily.

"Turkey at this time of year not up to your liking Wilson?" Tony asks gleefully. 

 _"Man shut the hell up,"_ Sam mutters, a slight grin in his voice. _"You lucky SOB, getting to sit in your nice warm tower while we are busting our butts in the cold."_

"Yeah, it's great working for three days straight on a diet of caffeine and granola bars."

 _"Tony,_ " Steve's tone immediately chastising like the mother hen he is. _"That's not healthy for you. You have to eat real food. Have you slept at all?"_

Before he can answer, JARVIS comes on the comm. " _Captain, it concerns me gravely to report that sir has slept for a total of 6 hours; and even then, the time is dispersed over what my creator calls 'power naps.'"_

 _"Tony,"_ Steve sounds disappointed.

"I am betrayed! J how could you rat me out like that? I'm gonna donate you to a local community college for that."

 _"Ms. Romanov threatened to dismember my servers if I didn't report on your physical health when requested,"_ JARVIS answers, though he sounds not apologetic at all. _"Forgive me but her skillset poses a higher risk to my own survival than your threats of charity."_

 _"Deal with it Stark,"_ Nat's voice cuts through the line. _"If I have to deal with Steve constantly nagging about 'do you think Tony is ok?' all day, then you have to deal with my alliance with your machinery."_

 "I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself," he whines petulantly. 

" _That's left to be seen_ ," Steve says skeptically unimpressed. _"Shouldn't Thor or Bruce have been able to keep watch over you?"_

"Thor is back in Asgard and Bruce went to a science conference in the Alps."

 _"Do I need to place a phone call to Pepper or Colonel Rhodes?"_ Steve's thinly veiled threat heard loud and clear.

Tony actually looks up from his work in outrage. "You wouldn't."

 _"Try me,"_ the blond counters, leaving no room for argument. Tony hears Clint snickering in the background. 

"Nope, you're not allowed. I pay the everything, so ha! But to appease you, I'll go up and eat some food. In fact, I'll eat Clint's leftovers," he says with a smile.

" _Hey!_ " the archer shouts indignantly. _"Don't touch my food!"_

"What ya gonna do about it, Legolas?"

Sam to chuckles over the comm.

" _Oh just you wait, Tin can. When I get home, you best be ready for the hellfire coming down upon you._ "

"Hey J, what do you say we host the next Hunger Games and set up traps in the vents for Katniss?" he asks jokingly.

The eery silence that greets him suddenly cuts their fun short. "JARVIS?" he asks again.

No response. Tony promptly gets up from his seat and moves towards his suits.

"Tony, what's wrong?" Steve voice asks, now alert with worry.

"JARVIS is offline. I think someone hacked the security," he curses. 

Suddenly Nat's voice come over the line as the call is put on speaker. "Any visual threats?" her demeanor changed to killer spy in a blink.

"None that I can see," he reports as he slips one gauntlet on. "Whoever it is could be is probably making their way down-"

A loud bang echoes in the lab, Tony turning sharply towards the sealed lab doors to see a man dressed in plain clothes standing outside of them. He's beating against the indestructible glass with his hand and....leaving spider web cracks in. _Indestructible his ass._

"Stark!"

"Yo Stark!"

"Tony! Tony what's wrong? Answer me, Tony!" Steve's voice frantic and terrified. 

"Ugh, Steve...does your fella have long scraggly hair, five o'clock shadow, and- _holy shit,_ a full length metal arm?"

He hears sharp inhales as robo-hobo keeps trying to beat down the door with said arm and is currently close to accomplishing such. He heard about the tech from what Steve told him, but he hadn't the chance to see the thing in the flesh.

"Stark you need to get out of there," the Russian sounds like she has taken off running. "He's dangerous and lethal. The Winter Solder-"

The glass shatters and Tony aims directly at the guy's leg to fire, the blast sending him skidding back. 

"Tony!" Harsh breathing is heard from Steve as he runs. " Tony hang on! We're on our way!"

Sam tries to argue. "It's gonna take a little bit of time man."

"No, we'll go fast! Bucky could seriously hurt-"

The man in question gets up and comes running at him. Tony drops the phone and uses the gauntlet to block the aimed punch, then backhands the guy across the face, making his head snap to the side. Tony's small victory is short-lived when the man looks back at him eerily before a kick to the gut sends Tony flying across the room into the wall. 

He slides down the wall, pain jarring his back. Ok so the man is clearly either jacking up on steroids to the max or he's a super soldier. _Fan-fucking-tastic._

Either way, Tony doesn't have time to ponder such a question as heavy booted footsteps stalk closer to him, before he finds himself rough lifted by the neck and slammed against the wall. His feet just barely touch the floor and he realizes the man could strangle him one-handed without breaking a sweat, and isn't that a lovely thought. The only thing that stops the guy from killing him out right is the fact that Tony's gauntlet is pointed right at his chest.

Bucky gazes down at the weapon blankly, before looking back up to meet his eyes. Up close and personal, Tony can see his dead eyes and mouth set in a straight line. The metal hand is squeezing his neck in a grip just shy of painful. He looks like a ghost of the man who Tony used to watch in old reels his dad had. Steve's words come back to mind, _'he's so lost...'_   as Tony looks into the blue eyes that stare emotionally back at him. 70 years under hydra control sounds like a hellish nightmare to horrific to survive, yet here he is; dressed in a long sleeved red shirt and jeans, a much better alternative than parading around in a bad imitation of Catwoman's leather costume the other's told him about. But it's disconcerting because there's dried blood staining some of his clothes here and there. He doesn't know which is a worse thought: hoping the blood isn't Barnes' or hoping it isn't someone else's. 

But back to the situation where he's close to being strangled by Luke Skywalker. He can do this, he just has to remain calm. Don't kill a POW who means a hell of a lot to his teammate. 

Tony lowers his hand, noticing the minute frown that makes it's way on the man's face. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

The man's eyes snap to his, but Tony keeps talking. "But some people like to call you Bucky. Which in my opinion, is kind of a shit nickname."

Barnes doesn't smile, but his face gets a bit less blank.

"You were born in 1917 and you had three siblings," Tony realizes it's kinda creepy to rattle of such information, but when you've grown up with a person like Howard shoving Captain America and Howling Commando facts down your throat, you certainly remember it. "You were fighting in the war, alongside Steve-" the hand tightens a fraction, but Tony keeps talking around the sensation, "...when you fell from a train. Everyone thought you were dead. After SHIELD went down, we've been looking for you."

The man listens with clenched jaw, gaze drifted to the side, eyes becoming more telling with each second that passes. Tony has seen that look before, when everything he's known is torn apart before his eyes and he's trying to cope with the truth. 

He must be reckless (Pepper and Rhodey would argue he always is), but he places a hand on the metal wrist. The man looks up at him, wide-eyed. "It's ok. No one is going to hurt you anymore," he tries to sound reassuring.

The man's eyes grow wet as the grip on Tony's neck loosens. " _Help...me_ ," the man grits out lowly, begging like the words hurt him to utter.

"Okay," Tony replies softly as the metal hand let's go of his neck to instead cling to his arm. His back and stomach twinge in pain, but Tony ignores it as he pats the hand gently. "But first you need a bath, because you stink."

Barnes doesn't smile, Tony imagines that too long without doing so makes the simplest things difficult. But his eyes crinkle at the corners and his shoulders shake, so Tony counts it as a small victory.

Almost an hour later, the crew busts in his lab with weapons at the ready, "Tony! We're-" only to find a sight that gives them pause. 

Barnes sits on the sofa, hair dripping wet but squeaky clean. He's dressed in one of Thor's hoodie and sweatpants, watching in silence as Dum-E's claw inspect him curiously. Tony's sitting at his station, looking over the scans he took of the metal arm's schematics while nursing an icepack on his stomach. So far things have been quiet, but that of course changes.

Barnes reacts instinctively when the others come crashing in, moving in one swift motion to stand in front of Tony while wielding a knife. He pose emulates a readiness to strike while his stance screams 'protect the weaker one' which hey! He is not defenseless thank you very much! (And yes this argument is excluding super soldiers.) Though nonetheless it is a surprising revelation given the fact Tony only gave the guy some food and clothing, and let him experience a shower with actual water pressure; nothing really to constitute the sudden bodyguard. 

The others though take the movement as a sign to fight, raising their weapons.

"Tony," Nat using his actual name snaps him out of his daydream. "Don't make any sudden movements."

"I have a clear shot," Clint informs them, voice devoid of any playfulness.

Tony thinks it's about time to call this tense street battle off. He claps his hands, making them all flinch at the sudden noise. "Glad you all could make it! You're just in time for the slumber party! Isn't that right, Barnes?"

The man peeks back at him unsurely, permanent frown fixed upon his face. Tony smiles encouragingly at him until Barnes lowers the weapon. After a moment, the others follow suit and approach cautiously, keeping a safe distance from him.

Steve however has little reservation getting close, gaze looking at Tony in concern before maneuvering back to his childhood best friend. "Buck?" his voice hesitant. "Do you remember me?"

Barnes gaze stays lowered to the floor, until he slowly lifts his head up. "Your mom's name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes." 

Tony watches the relief bleed into Steve's face, a smile appearing gradually. Barnes's frame, though still stiff, seems to ease a fraction. The others look on wary but more assured that the man won't attack. Tony breathes a deep sigh of relief that jostles the ice pack on his stomach. It'll take time, as all things do, but eventually he thinks things will be ok.

 

At least, one can only hope. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is still in the past because I thought if I just skip to present time right away and show all of them together, it's hard to imagine the depth between them or even understand how they got there.
> 
> So here's like a summary of like 1 year and over 4/5 months in one chapter. Of course I can't include every detail of every day of their lives (which would be too long and strenuous) but just know these glimpses help form the bigger picture.
> 
> Next chapter will be present time.

_-the past-_

 

He wishes he could say that after Barnes became a permanent resident of the Tower, things went smoothly those first few weeks. 

They didn't, not that they should anyhow.

You can't blame the guy for having a hard time. Being a slave to Neo-nazis for 70 or so years messes a person up. That sort of hell changes people, but then again, change is universal. Even someone who didn't suffer such cruelty, like an average Joe living the whole suburban life dream with the wife, kids, dog, and 9 to 5 job wouldn't remain the same person over 70 years. People change constantly, even if only in small increments, though Captain Tightpants seemed to have trouble understanding that concept. 

Tony and Steve would have arguments all the time about how Barnes should be treated or handled. Steve wanted the good ol' Bucky from his childhood; what he got instead was a traumatized individual dealing with years of blood-soaked memories, wary of everyone bar Steve, Tony, and on occasion Nat (and even then, there's moments he can't seem to handle them either). This of course made Steve wanted to talk to Barnes and drag the guy out of the room where he had his self-imposed isolation (the guy was alive at least, Tony made sure Jarvis showed him the occasion video feed to check on Barnes, where he was usually either pacing or clutching a red notebook in his hands). At the same time Steve wanted to treat the man with kid gloves, like he was some fragile glass figure that was gonna break if you coughed to loud near him.

 _Fragile like a freakin' tank._ The indestructible *snort* glass walls that they had to sweep up with a broom was proof enough he wasn't some fragile victim.

So Tony treated him like a normal person, talked to him with the same level of sass and sarcasm that he talked to everyone with, even when Steve exhaled through his nose in annoyance and glared daggers at his head. Tony of course didn't really care cause the quirk of Bucky's lips made it worth it. That doesn't mean he was an ass to the guy. No, he knew when to tone it down or even turn it off, especially when he would walk into the common room at 3 am after a lab binge and find the guy huddled in the corner of the room, shaking like a leaf in the dark; in those moments, Barnes tended to look awful, covered in sweat with his hands gripping his hair as if he were close to pulling it out.

Tony would continue on his way to the kitchen, deciding to forgo coffee and make his mother's famous Cioccolata Calda. He could feel Barnes eyes tracking each one of his movements. To be honest it was not really all that disconcerting, more like the guy was curious why the engineer wasn't trying to smother him on pitiful sight.

He makes sure to make some noise as he was whipping up the recipe to bring the guy out of whatever dark place his mind was at. When the drink is finished, he's pours it pipping hot into two mugs and then walks over to the coffee table closest to Barnes. Tony would place the mug on the edge and then stroll to the couch, plopping down on it with his Starkpad while sipping on his drink.

He would work until the last drop hit his lips and then decide to either turn in for the night or go back down to the workshop. Each time he'd get up to put the mug in the sink, he'd notice with a little sense of triumph the other one would be missing from the spot he originally left it at. As he would leave the room, a hushed voice would utter one word. "Thanks."

He'd glance back at the Barnes, the guy appearing exhausted but a little more at ease. Tony would just nod and leave the room.

Baby steps.

-/-

 

After a month, Barnes finally walks out of his room with a determined look on his face. He comes into the common room where only Tony, Steve, and Sam are present and says he would like to start seeing a therapist. 

"I'm ready to talk," is the only explanation he gives, the only one that is really needed.

Steve and Sam smile while Tony inclines his head in agreement, and Barnes seems relieved by their reactions.

It's decided that Sam will do the therapy in house for now, since technically the Winter Soldier is on the CIA's most wanted list after the SHIELD dump and no one knows said person is currently living under Tony's roof. He already has his lawyers working on the case, so it's nothing really to sweat about, yet. He imagines when it does reach trial time, all he has to do is mention the terms POW, torture, and brainwashing in court, and the jury would have to be made of stone not to feel for the guy.

And so Barnes starts therapy, Steve draws him out of his hiding spot more often, and the progress follows with leaps and bounds.

The grunge rocker lookalike starts being more open, less distant towards the others (though seeing Barnes stutter at the size of Thor when he meets him is pretty hilarious); he speaks more than just a few words, starts cracking smiles, and doesn't even hesitate to throw sarcastic replies right back at Tony's quips. And of course when he begins to outright smirk, Tony finds himself thrown for a loop.

Seems not even an evil organization could erase James Buchanan Barnes' personality and thank god for that. Tony actually found it quite nice to live with someone who could sass back at his shit (not including Clint, because as much as Tony loves the sass from Merida, the guy's too mischievous for his own good).

And then, with many more leaps and bounds, Barnes starts making food, like really good food....specifically _for Tony._

At first it's kinda weird, because Tony will be working on something in the lab and then a plate of food will magically appear in front of him. He'll look to his left to see Barnes standing there with his arms crossed, staring at him. Tony will then look down at the food before returning the super soldier's stare. They'll keep looking at each other, blinking occasionally in awkward silence before Barnes will incline his head towards the food. Tony will frown and then Barnes will sigh. Again he'll motion towards the food, staring at him intently until the genius decides to slowly pick up the sandwich and take a bite. Only then will Barnes smile and walk off, an almost unnoticeable skip in his step. 

All in all, the experience is like a less thrilling version of a Charlie Chaplin movie. 

Over the course of time though, it becomes a routine and he gets a decent meal each day. By the time another few weeks roll around, Steve has decided to join the "fun" by keeping Tony company of all things.

"You know the Tower has like 92 other floors, and many wonderful facilities to keep you entertained Cap," Tony complains on the fifth time discovering Steve sketching on the sofa. 

Steve just hums, barely glancing up from whatever he's working so hard on. Tony's attempt at a glare goes unnoticed as a plate of food is shoved into his chest, his hands fumbling to keep it from falling as Bucky passes him by to go pop a squat next to his buddy...boo...sweet thing? Bucky munches on his food, looking sternly at Tony until he yields and stuffs the food in his mouth like an unhappy child being forced to eat their veggies. Barnes however looks the cat that got the cream and keeps happily munching on his own grub. Tony thinks the guy is taking the his self-appointed duty of "bodyguard" a bit too seriously. 

But eventually he concedes that he'll have to deal with two brats from Brooklyn invading his personal space more often than not.

Secretly, it's not all that much of a hardship. 

-/-

 

Barnes nightmares don't miraculously go away, not with over 70 years haunting his mind. (Tony's own haven't vanished but he's learned to just cope with it)

One night, Tony comes in late from a Stark exposition to find Bucky huddled in the corner of the common room, shaking like a leaf while looking like he wants to rip off the metal arm, if trying to angle his body away from the limb is any indication. Steve is there this time, crouched in front of Bucky and trying to talk him down in low tones. Both guys look up when he comes into the room.

"Nightmares. I think the arm hurts and he doesn't want to-" Steve says, voice quietly distressed in the large room. He halts when Tony immediately detours into the kitchen without a single word.

It takes a few minutes but then he comes back into the room, this time with three mugs filled with his special drink. 

Steve frowns. "Tony, I don't think-"

"Shh Cap," he says, handing Steve a drink and placing one on the edge of the coffee table. "Trust me."

Barnes doesn't hesitate to scamper over and grab his mug before settling back against the wall, sipping away. Steve looks surprised as Tony sits down on the his designated spot on the couch, pulling at his Starkpad to jot down notes for an idea already forming in his mind. He feels the couch dip as Steve settles next to him.

It's silent for a few minutes with the occasion sip heard before Steve asks, "You've done this before?"

He looks up from the screen to Steve, whose concerned gaze is steadily on Barnes sipping away at his drink.

Tony nods. "It's a routine we got going. Nothing like some hot chocolate to settle the soul and inner demons."

Steve looks down at the mug, circling the rim with his finger before lifting it to his mouth to try. The minute he drinks it, Tony watches Steve's eyes close in bliss and a small hum of appreciation makes itself known. "It's different from the kind we used to have. When we could afford it, my mom used to make her's with sweet cream, but this one is really good. I like that it has more spice."

"Thanks," Tony gaze drops to his screen, not good with accepting compliments. The next words he says are almost too quiet to hear. "The recipe was my mother's."

The sipping in the room stops and there's a small creak coming from beside him as if the mug is being held to tight. Tony realizes the mood plummeted to become depressingly sad over reminiscing about dead mothers.and decides it's time to skedaddle. He downs the rest of his drink and stands to head out.

"Get some sleep Steve, Barnes," he bids goodnight before heading towards the elevator.

"James."

Tony stops mid-step, and turns towards the man huddled in the corner, wide eyes glued to him with some underlying emotion Tony can't decipher. "You can call me, James," the guy says faintly.

"Or Bucky," Steve pipes up from his spot.

"Yeah well Bucky is kinda a stupid nickname," Tony points out, grateful when Steve starts to look offended and not fucking sad like earlier.

"He's kinda right," Barnes-no, _James_ manages to smile.

"Buck," now looking offended at Bucky as if he's been betrayed.

Tony huffs out a laugh, deciding to leave the two to bicker like an old married couple. "Night Steve, James."

 

-/-

 

The plans take a few days to get fully sketched out and operational, but when they are finally completed, Tony takes them straight into the workout room where Steve and James are sparring.

"Hey Furiosa!" he calls as the two break apart from their fight.

"I understood that reference," Steve points out, wiping a towel across his face.

James huffs at the nickname, but looks curious when he sees Tony shaking a roll of blueprints in his hands. "Building something?"

Tony grins. "Yep, the first ever Stark expenditure into biomedical technology."

"In laymen terms?" James asks, hopping down from the ring.

"I'm gonna build you a new arm."

Both men freeze, staring at him as if they can't begin to process the enigma he is.

"A new arm?" James chokes out, metal hand clenching into a fist.

"Yep."

"For me?"

"Yep."

"But...why?" he says with enough self-loathing in his tone it hurts to hear. For all the progress Barnes has made socially, there are times it can disappear and this quiet, solemn individual shows through.

"Because the current model is some shoddy ass work," he says, noticing Cap is too struck to even chastise him. But going by the constipated facial expression James is making, the guy doesn't seem to believe him. Tony's own expression softens as he steps towards the super soldier, laying a hand on the guy's flesh arm. "Because it's time you claimed your life as your own, including your arm."

 James doesn't cry, but he does swallow thickly and surprisingly hugs Tony close, head tucked into the smaller man's neck. "Thank you," he says into the skin of his neck.

Tony pats him on the back and ignores the goosebumps prickling forth.

A fundraising gala for veterans the next evening means some of the Avengers attending as good publicity to show they can manage without an organization like SHIELD to oversee them as well as strike an accord with the armed services. Tony schmoozes some of the crowd and makes his way through conversation easily, trying to be on his best behavior or else Pepper will kill him with her stilettos. She might actually kill Thor who challenges a few young men to a round of drinking (Tony has learned the hard way to never take on the Norse god's challenge).

As the jazz band strums up a nice tune as he spots Steve across the way, donned in his military dress and looking mighty spiffy (Tony inwardly giggles), looking into the crowd with a melancholy face. He walks over to the super soldier and bumps his arm gently. 

He leans close in. "You know, if you want to dance with a girl, all you have to do is go ask. I'm sure any of these women would be happy to go on a twirl around the room with Captain America," he pauses before adding, "Or any guy, cause hey it's a new century."

The corners of Steve's lips quirk before he looks at Tony. "Really? And what about a twirl around the room with just a simple guy named Steve Rogers?"

Tony smiles, shrugs. "I don't think you will find any objections."

"No?" Steve arches an eyebrow. He turns fully towards him and holds out his hand. "May I have this dance then?"

Tony is taken aback for a moment by Steve's sudden request. But then he relaxes, deciding to humor the guy. Try new things is probably what wikihow suggested to him when looking up 'How to get used to the future 101'.

"Of course," because he really can't deny the guy such a simple thing. He grabs ahold of the hand, surprised when he finds callouses withstand the healing factor. He inclines his head towards the dance floor, "After you."

Steve maneuvers them into the crowd, weaving through different couples until they find a spot where they can dance without being squished together. Steve immediately places a hand on his waist and doesn't separate their already clasped hands. Tony decides to allow Steve to lead, and places a hand on Steve's shoulder. They sway back and forth, watching each other with searching eyes and small smiles, as if just the two of them in the room.

After a few moments of non-verbal communication, Tony decides to break it. "Didn't know you could dance, Cap."

He smiles, head titled bashfully down. "Back then I wasn't very good, but I had once promised someone a dance and tried to learn. But then..."

He trails off, eyes gone distant. Tony's chest sharply aches for him as he steps closer, squeezing the hand he's holding tighter. "And then 70 years passed by and everything you knew changed," he finishes quietly for him.

Steve looks up at him, giving him the full blast of aching melancholiness swimming in those blue eyes that makes Tony want to wrap a blanket around the guy and give him a basket of puppies to cheer him up.

Tony finds himself continuing on, "Peggy isn't someone you can forget so easily."

Steve's brows lift incredulously. "You knew Peggy?"

He smiles. "Aunt Peggy as I used to call her. Formidable woman who wouldn't put up with Howard's shit," he comments with reserved fondness. "She told me all about the real man behind the costume and how he had promised her a dance."

"I broke that promise," Steve says, sounding gutted.

Tony gives Steve's shoulder a little shake. "And she doesn't blame you for it Steve, not one bit. Hell if it keeps you up at night, you could probably help her fly the coop from that nice nursing home and take her dancing through the streets."

Steve looks humored, though his eyes are still a bit melded with pain. They both know her health has been declining, and dancing seems out of the scope of reach at the moment.

They dance in silence for a few beats until Steve's the one to clear his throat. "Tony, I want to thank you for everything you've done for Bucky."

Tony shakes his head. "It's no pro-"

"No. There's no way I could've repay you for all you've done, and not just for him but for me, the team, everyone. Thank you." Steve holds his gaze and Tony can't will himself to look away.

"Wow, are sure valiant honesty isn't your superpower?" he jokes, feeling immediately bad when Steve's face gives the barest flinch. Shoot, okay he's an ass. So he lets himself be serious for once to try to make amends for any hurt feelings. "You're welcome Cap."

Steve smilies at him, small but noticeable. They keep dancing, even when one song ends and another begins. 

Tony decides to try and lighten the mood. "Just wait till I get to brag to everyone about your killer moves. Maybe I'll spill the press that Captain America tried to cop a feel."

Steve laughs lowly. " Wouldn't it be me who's supposed to brag about dancing with the Tony Stark, who's certainly the one trying to 'cop a feel'?"

"Pfft, no one's gonna be impressed with that."

Steve twirls them around. "I disagree. In fact, many people in this very room are probably jealous ."

He can't help but let out a snort. "Okay now you're pulling my leg. Having me as your dance partner means that much too you, Steve?" he asks jokingly.

"Yeah," the arm around him tightens, the playful tone dropping from his voice as they stop swaying. Steve leans down to place his mouth next to Tony's ear, words only loud enough to be heard by the two of them. "In fact, though I hate that I missed the last dance I promised, I don't regret it because it means that I get share this dance with you."

Tony's struck speechless, heart lodged in his throat as he tightens his grip on Steve. The super soldier pulls back to be able to look straight into his eyes, watching him with an affectionate grin. They don't even seem to notice when the music stops playing.

 

-/-

 

It seems there's something that has shifted between the three of them, though Tony doesn't know what. James makes more progress, gets a new arm, and continues feeding him (seriously it's like he wants to fatten Tony up). Steve keeps him company, gives his shoulder rubs when Tony has been work too long, and according to Jarvis, sometimes puts him to bed when he discovers the engineer passed out.

Of course he knows James and Steve have something going on between them, if by the effortless way they lean into to one another or communicate through touch easily. They must be doing something something behind close doors, but Tony respects their privacy and is only left to guess what happens.

Sometimes he swears when they are both in the lab with him, or when he comes into the common room and they are already there, he feels eyes assessing him or giving him once overs, twice overs, thrice overs-

Well you get.

But how does Tony play into things? He doesn't have one clue until a mission goes a bit off kilter. Or rather he doesn't find out till waaaaaay later after the mission occurs, because post mission debrief was bit of a shitty time for everyone.

The mission goes like this: The city is being attacked and the team is doing the best they can to handle the situation. But suddenly J is picking up a building hit during the fight, the place on fire and ready to crumble. There's five people trapped inside and he makes a split second decision to go into the building, only telling the team of what he's doing at the very last second.

Steve and James, who listens to missions usually from the Tower, are screaming at him over comm to wait for backup, the others cursing over the line in some fashion except for Bruce (though if Hulk could take a moment from smashing the enemy would probably say something like "METAL MAN STUPID"). All in all, Tony can't focus on their concern right then, so he shuts off the comm and moves to get the hostages out before the building goes down in a massive heap.

Which he does, cause he's awesome. 

What's not so awesome is the after part.

The debrief goes like this: "What were you thinking?!" James screams as he steps onto the landing pad on the penthouse floor, not even allowing the machine to finish pulling off all the pieces of the suit before the super soldier rips away the mask.

"Hey asshole! That's precious cargo!"

"Oh really? Cause it doesn't seem like it when you throw your life away with little care!"

He snatches the mask back, striding past the pissed off guy. "I just saved a family's life. I don't call that throwing my life away!"

"You should've waited for backup!" the soldier stomping after him as they both get into the elevator.

"J down to the workshop please," he says before focusing on the pissed off super soldier. "Then the family would have been dead in a demolished building. Sometimes you have to take risks to do the work we do," he explains, leaning against the wall as the lift descends down. "And just so-hey!"

It would seem James really isn't happy, deciding to crowd against him, hands searching his body as if he's gonna find smuggled drugs. The whole time he's muttering thinks like, "idiotic, stupid, arrogant son of a bitch."

Tony can't help the hurt he feels flare up, but pushes it down as he slaps away the searching hands when the elevator dings. "No touchy." He ducks under James arm and stumbles out of the elevator when it arrives at the common room that is currently housing an upset team.

"J, I thought I said workshop."

_"Captain Rogers used his override codes to redirect your route, sir."_

"Damn," Tony mutters, resigned to the fact he's about to be berated for saving people...again. 

Nat is the one who marches up and whacks him on the head. Which hurts!

"Ow," he rubs the tender spot. "Really Natasha?"

"идиот," looking at him unimpressed, but then wraps an arm around his neck and pulls him close, kissing his forehead. 

Steve however still is in angry mode, if going by the crossed arms is correct. "You directly disobeyed orders and-"

"And saved five people as well as made sure the collapse of building didn't cause any undue death? Then you absolutely right! No need to thank me, just doing my duty Cap!" He salutes the guy, making Sam appear like he's trying not to snicker in the background before getting a grip to have a blank face. Tony then maneuvers out from under the danger zone and away from Nat, who is still looking at him threateningly. 

Thor, the big man whom Tony loves and will buy hundreds of Poptrats for, speaks up on his behalf. "Man of Iron is correct, Captain. We should celebrate for having slain our enemies and rescuing many citizens from harm."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea Thor," he says backing up slowly towards the elevator. "I'll go get the booze and then-" he backs up into a sturdy chest and ceases talking.

"No," is all James grits out from behind him.

Steve seems to also agree with the sentiment. "No! You disobeyed orders and there needs to be ramifications."

Clint snorts, where he's perched on the arm of the sofa. "Not to burst your bubble Cap, but we all tend to disobey orders once and a while. Hell, I jump off buildings all the time."

"Very solid point," Tony nods.

Steve breathes out harshly before stating, "I'm suspending you from active duty for two weeks."

"What?! Why?!" Tony yells outraged.

"You need to learn to listen and trust us. You can't just think of yourself in these situation."

"Oh fuck you, you self-righteous bastard." 

Steve jaw tightens. "My decision is final. You're too reckless and careless out there Tony."

"Says the man who lets himself be beaten almost to death on a hellcarrier by his BFF and then plunged into a river," he spits out icily, not caring when many in the room flinch or even when Barnes takes a step back from him. (Ok so he feels a little bad, but he's too angry to care right now.)

"That was uncalled for, Tony," Bruce says lowly in the back where he sits at the counter.

"Yeah well so is this bullshit when I ended up saving people's lives," he turns away, done with the conversation and walks to the elevator. 

The doors shut. "To the workshop J. And don't allow access to override codes. Override the override."

 _"Of course, sir,"_ JARVISinforms him.

When he arrives at the workshop, gripping the metal faceplate tightly in his hands before he throws it across the room, angry at everyone and himself. Dum-E, Butterfingers, and U roll over to him, nudging him until Tony lifts a hand to pet them. 

Tony shoulders sag. Things were going so nicely between them that the universal said fuck it up. "You all still love me when I'm reckless, right?"

All his bots give chipper beeps and Tony smiles sadly. "It's us against the world, buddies."

He spends the first fives days down in the workshop, blasting the music loudly and listening to every notification of an override code being blocked out while he works. He sent Pepper requests to have the Maria Strark Foundation set up funding for the families who lost their homes or businesses in the recent scuffle and also sent personal donations to the city councilmen to repair any other collateral damage. He ignores the concerned emails, citing that he's busy and not to be disturbed. 

Many would wonder how long Tony could survive down here? Well, let him tell you that he refurbished the workshop a few months ago to have a bathroom with a shower, small kitchen (that J has constantly restocked), and a some of his wardrobe cause he tends to fall asleep down here. He has enough rations to last 30 days, so he can prove to them just how stubborn he can be. The new dark tinted glass doors are vetted to withstand anything, but so far no one has tried to destroy them so there hasn't been a test done to confirm the claim.

After the first five days, a pattern seems to set in place. 

J always announces like clock work, _"Sergeant Barnes has left food outside the doors for you again, sir."_

Tony ignores it.

J informs him, _"Captain Rogers has requested access once again. He says he wants to apologize and talk things over."_

Tony steadily ignores it.

 _"Ms. Romanov has threatened to delete my programming if I don't let her in,"_ a barely there tremor heard in JARVIS' voice.

Tony snorts. Let her try.

_"Dr. Banner expresses concern over your absence."_

Tony doesn't react to it.

_"Mr. Odinson requests your assistance. He declares he cannot locate the missing Poptarts."_

Tony smiles, but just barely.

_"I've discovered Agent Barton climbing in the vents again. He was not happy with the new shaving cream bombs you designed."_

Tony snickers.

_"Mr. Wilson still is suggesting you converse with someone and he requests you to let Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers back in the lab, because 'they are being whiney puppies and making me miserable', as Mr. Wilson states."_

Tony sobers right up. 

And it goes on and on and on, with two more Avengers Assemble he's excluded on. But even when the two weeks pass, Tony doesn't come up. He doesn't allow the override codes to work even when J notifies him that Steve's declared his suspension period is up. He doesn't answer the begging or the phone calls. He works and works and works, cranking out new ideas and defense technology.

He's just...so fed up with things. Why is it always him that gets the shaft? Why are his actions more concerning the Nat's or Clint's or even Steve's own? Because he's human? Because he's not enhanced or trained to kill? He survived Afghanistan, living with a huge metal battery in his chest, palladium poisoning, taking a nuke up into outer space, the Mandarin incident, and much more. He's proved himself time and time again.

So why the hell is a simple deviation from plan in battle throwing Steve and James into a tailspin?

Honestly, who the fuck knows!

It's 20 days after he's secluded himself (he's getting a bit tired of tv dinner and easy mac n' cheese if he was being honest) when the Avengers alarm blares to life. He slides out from under the car he's working on and lays there for a moment. For a split second, he thinks of ignoring the call and going right back to work.

_"Sir, Captain Rogers is beseechingly requesting you to join them. The news reports and social media accounts on my radar indicate it is indeed a severe situation."_

Tony reminds himself that there are people that are missed in the fray if he's not there and gets suited up.

They all seemed relieved when he arrives. "What's the plan?" his suit's voice monotone. 

"Iron Man, you need to find the remote location where the individual controlling the death robot is and take them out. You also can provide air support to Hawkeye." And of course the bastard then adds, "And _no_ deviating from the plan."

Tony grits his teeth but doesn't deem him with an answer, instead taking to the sky right away.

He follows the orders to a T and doesn't deviate at all from the plan, though anytime anyone tries to talk to or engage in banter with him outside of the mission, he remains silent (it's petty he knows, but who cares?). He allows himself to listen to the others over the comm, but when JARVIS very subtly informs him of a impending problem nearby, he handles it without updating the others. The less they know the better.

When the battle is over after 3 grueling hours and a bad guy in handcuffs, they all converge in the street. He listens to the others reporting and lifts his faceplate, watches in the distance of the problem that he took care of.

"Alright," Steve announces. "Good work team. Let's go-"

The tall building Tony's watching suddenly collapses, the sounds deafening as a cloud of smoke rises up. The others whip around to look, horrified at the sight.

"JARVIS, were there people living there?" Bruce asks after a moment of silence. The man is wearing only the stretch pants Tony designed to accommodate his transition.

_"Yes, about 350 individuals."_

There's cursing over the line from Bucky and a visible deflation in the group's shoulders. 

"Why...why wasn't anyone informed?" Steve asks, voice dead tired.

_"The battle appeared strenuous and everyone was occupied, though I did notify sir of the situation."_

Everyone turns to Tony, who is watching the smoke rise in the distance. He looks at them with the most blank face he can manage and shrugs. "You said to follow your orders Cap. No deviation."

Many of them visibly recoil, shocked at his nonchalance. Steve's jaw drops in subtle horror.

Tony rolls his eyes as JARVIS saves the others from cardiac arrest.  _"Nothing to fear. Mr. Stark retrieved every individual from the building over the course of the battle, all of which are a safe distance away from the crash sight. He also cleared the sight surrounding the building."_

Tony stares Steve down, until the man's mouth shuts with a click.

Tony smugly gestures his hand. "Well what do you know, sometimes deviation is necessarily. So maybe next time learn to _trust_ , Cap," he bites out with a smile, showing all his teeth.

He doesn't wait for anyone's reply as he clicks his faceplate down and flies away, heading back to towards the Tower. He turns off his comm and relishes in the feeling of soaring on cloud nine. When he arrives to the Tower, he immediately goes to the workshop. His bots are there, beeping happily as he strips himself of the suit. 

"Team Iron Man- 1, Team Cap- Zilch!" he whoops, laughing as Dum-E waves his arm around happily. 

He settles down at his workbench, pulling up new design sketches until he hears pounding on the new glass doors. He tries to ignore it until Bucky and Steve are yelling out his name. Another 10 minute pass in the same fashion, realizing that the super soldiers aren't leaving.

He sighs annoyed. "Let them in J." 

He turns to see the Brooklyn boys coming into the room. Up close, they kind of look like shit, like they possibly have not been sleeping well.

Steve rips off his cowl, stomping closer. "You wanna know why I get angry when you, specifically _you_ deviate from the plan?!"

The fight in him rises to the surface. "Yeah asshole!" he shouts back, angry. He hates when Steve gets into this fucking obnoxious leader routine.

"This is why!" he strides forward and wraps a hand around Tony's neck and-  _oh._

Steve's lips are crushing against his, leaving no room for doubt about what he means. After a moment of stillness, Tony finds himself leaning into the kiss and parting his lips, sliding his tongue against the super soldier's bottom lip. He feels Steve shudder against him, mouth no longer bruising, but instead caressing his own as an arm wraps around his waist, pulling him closer towards the man. They kiss for god knows how long, the only sounds passing between them are the smack of their lips and the shared breathless sighs.

When the kiss finally comes to an end, Tony expects Steve to rip away his mouth, spit out some last words and then stomp off angrily to brood or punch something. 

Instead, Steve leans his mouth away as Tony's eyes flutter open. Steve's eyes remain closed as he swallows, voice just a soft whisper, "That's...that's why."

And then Steve slips away without another word, leaving Tony wondering what the hell just happened. So Steve was...scared? Worried for him? In lov-

He must have stood there for quiet some time, because suddenly the other super soldier is suddenly standing in front of him, gazing down at him with enamored eyes. James brings up his mental hand to rub a thumb over Tony's swollen bottom lip, causing the genius to panic cause,  _holy shit_ he just made out with this guy's boyfriend/special friend/partner/crush/something.

Tony immediately stammers out excuses. "I didn't...he kissed me...it was...not that I-"  

James shushes him gently, stepping even closer to him as Tony falls silent. The guy's scruff has grown thicker and there are dark circles under his eyes. "It's ok, doll. I'm just jealous the punk got to do it first."

Tony's eyes widen as James sweeps his hand under his chin to lift it up. Tony then find himself lip-locked with another super soldier, this time even more uninhibited than the last. James isn't afraid to sweep his tongue out and invade Tony's mouth with it, exploring any crevices in a way that heats his skin. Both of the man's hands come to cup Tony's neck, thumb rubbing against his pulse.

All too soon the kiss is over, having done nothing to erase the overall confusion the Brooklyn twins have brought upon him today. 

The outright anger from a few weeks ago is gone from James' face, instead replaced by a expression of sincerity as he caresses Tony's cheek. "Me and Stevie are bad at explaining our emotions, especially our worry for a certain self-sacrificing genius, who we happen to care a hell of a lot about."

"Hmm" is all he can manage as a reply, because his brain is kinda fried at the moment.

James smirks nonetheless, hands falling away as he turns and heads towards the door. "Best get used to us caring, Stark," he calls over his shoulder as he leaves.

 -/-

 

 _'Get used to them caring'_ means Tony has to get used to the Brooklyn boys courting him. Or courting more aggressively, since apparently they've been doing that before.

He would like to argue that although he is a genius, he does have his moments of obliviousness. 

But still it makes him worry, because c'mon those two are like the love story of the century. Why do they need or even want him? And how can he compete with their shared history?

They however are pretty persistent in their attempts to woo him. They apologize to him for yelling (he does as well), bring him food (more often now) and drag him out (resorting to carrying him like a sack of potatoes if he refuses) to take him on "dates." Dates being a very vague term, since all of them have to wear a caps and sunglasses and hoodies to to keep a low profile if they go anywhere heavily populated. It looks sorta ridiculous and Tony makes sure to have Jarvis take pics when they go out lookin' like a bad spy movie, because he's gonna laugh about this for months to come.

They bring him flowers on occasion and sneak in some of their clothes in his wardrobe when they think he won't notice (as if he couldn't tell when he puts on a shirt that is like three times more roomy than his own, not that he is complaining). And they are both so sweet to the bots, constantly amused by the beeping and even the poisoned smoothies they are given (Tony makes sure they never drink any of those).

Oh and then there's kissing, like lots of kissing. 

Steve, after getting over his bashfulness of PDA, can't seem to stop kissing him whenever he sees Tony. He'll pass him by in the hallway, and lay one right on the genius. He'll come down to the workshop  with the idea to sketch that will somehow end up with Tony underneath the super soldier on the couch, being kissed by him thoroughly and most enjoyably. 

Bucky likes to crowd Tony up against walls and ravish him mouth like he's a man starving for it. He likes to explore with his kisses, trailing them up and down Tony's neck and across his collar bones, sending delightful shivers up the genius' frame.

But unlike previous past experiences in Tony's romantic life (excluding Pepper), there's more intimate things in this forming relationship than just the physical aspects.

Instead of kissing or going out, they'll sit together in one of their rooms and talk about things, memories both good and bad. Sometimes, Tony will find they just lay next to one another in comfortable silence, relaxed in this sacred space all their own. Tony will rest with his head in Steve's lap, eyes closed as the super soldier combs his fingers through his hair while Bucky will be propped up on an elbow, rubbing Tony's feet. They both seem to love to do that, watching him with possessiveness whenever he wears Steve's hoodie and Bucky's sweatpants. It eases something in Tony's chest when their sole focus is on him in those few moments, proving to him he's not a third wheel in this thing nor a temporary piece.

It takes a few more months of the boy's courting before Tony comes to accept Steve and James are serious about this.

So they're what...dating? Going steady? In a partnership? Starting a polygamous cult?

Dealing with labels is very a confusing concept these days.

Somehow, they are found out by the team (whom would argue they aren't subtle at all) and then Pepper calls him and makes him spill all the details on how, where, when, and why. She then pleads, gently and concernedly, to take it seriously. He practically rolls his eyes through the whole thing, because hello! He is taking this seriously. 

Sam offers his congratulations and less than subtle warnings that he needs to be better at communication.

Later, Nat gives him a sort of _'hurt them-they'll-never-find-your-body'_ shovel talk in the common room, while Clint appears on bored and flicks through the channels. 

"Is this 'Pick on Tony Day?" he asks out loud to no one in particular. 

Nat gives him a nudge to the head. "No, Shellhead. But if there's one thing you do well, it's getting stuck in your head too often. You can't do that now that you three are in a relationship."

"Why do you assume the sole responsibility lies with me? What about them, huh? Do they get a strip down too?" he asks indignantly. 

"Of course they do, but you realize how much they care about you and...," she trails off before giving him a pointed glance. "Don't mess a good thing up."

She walks over to the couch to join Clint, and the shared look between them doesn't escape Tony's notice. It passes quickly as Clint turns his attention back towards the television.

Tony leaves without another word.  

-/-

 

The day Tony replaces the old arm is the day the Brooklyn boys look at him like he's the second coming of Christ. And boy do they show him just how much they appreciate him.

The arm took a ridiculously long time to make, because a) Hyrda connected machinery to the goddamn nerve endings in James' arm which is both ingenious yet fucking cruel, b) the new design had to be better than the other piece of crap, and c) he was distracted by his boyfriends (yes he calls them his boyfriends because they are). The redone arm itself is a revolutionary technology, allowing the patient to actually feel what they touch with the prosthetic. It was gonna be a hot commodity once he patents it, but the real reward is seeing his boyfriends' faces.

"Doll," James chokes out, with wet eyes though he'll deny it later. He turns his new arm over, metal gleaming in the light and no pain whatsoever. "This is amazing. Thank you." 

Tony finds his own eyes stinging, and can't stop the smile that grows on his face. The feel of metal fingers ghosting over cheek paired with the look of awe on James' face makes all the late night toils worth it. He feels his other boyfriend slide up behind him, wrapping an arm around his hoodie-covered waist to bend down and kiss his cheek. "You're amazing Tony," Steve says with such warmth, he shivers from it.

He tilts his head up to accept a kiss from the super soldier, surprised when he feels the metal ghosting over his throat and sliding down to his collarbone.

Funny enough, they haven't had sex, even though it's been almost 6 months since beginning to date. His past playboy persona would have been appalled at not tapping the hottest guys in his vicinity, let alone the ones he's actually dating.

But the person he is now? He's content with it, especially with the moments of genuine affection he feels when the anxiousness creeps into his boys' frames anytime the super soldiers realizing they are touching him more than deemed appropriate. There's sexual tension hovering over the three of them, no denying it, but when Steve gets bashful and flustered, and James gets frustrated and nervous (though he tries to play it off), Tony can only smile at them, charmed.

Gosh he so gone on them it's not even funny.

But back to the current situation, Barnes leans over and replaces his hand with his mouth, licking his way up Tony's pulse, the sexual tension in the air has been cranked up to high real quick. He tugs his mouth away from Steve to clutch at the strands of Bucky's hair, as the super soldier bites against his neck. Tony can hear his own breathing, loud in the quiet room as James breaks away to kiss Steve above him, licking his way into the other's willing mouth.

"Oh god that's hot," accidentally slips out.

The super soldiers grin as they gaze down at him, Steve's hand lowering to cup Tony's obvious hard on. "We can tell," he says huskily, nipping at Tony's ear. 

If they are expecting Tony to be chivalrous or embarrassed, Steve and James find themselves frozen when Tony grins at them lavishly, grinding into the hand as he says, "Gonna do anything about it, Soldiers?" 

In the blink of an eye, they all end up in a heap on the tiled ground, rubbing off one another like horny teenagers. Neither one of his boys seem to want to stop kissing him or each other and he's not complaining at all. Tony loves to bite at their necks, his hands slipping under their shirts to scratch their backs. And when James and Steve cum above him, their faces blissed in ecstasy, it's almost enough to have him cum on sight. Luckily, he's had enough experience to hold off for a while.

Which he is so glad, because the real kicker is when their attention becomes solely focused in on him alone, eyes glued down to him laying on the floor with his legs spread apart to accommodate the two thighs working in unison on him, his hoodie rucked up to show the beginning of his happy trail that leads to his low hanging sweatpants. 

"I'm close," he whispers, loving when their reaction to to grind their thighs against him harder, bodies leaning in closer as their hands grip him tight enough to leave bruises.

"C'mon doll," James says lowly at him, biting his jaw. His metal hand is seeking purchase on skin, metal touching the bare dip of his hip.

"I wanna see you cum sweetheart," Steve whispers, his hand coming to scratch below Tony's navel.

And with their full focus on him, he cums with a uninhibited moan, head thrown back as his boyfriends greedily soak up the sight. They lean down to bite his neck as he wraps his arms around them and pulls at their hair, their own satisfied moans joining his. 

All in all, it's a fucking spectacular day.

 

-/-

 

After that awesome first time, they all can't help but keep at it.

More than often than not, all three are grinding on one another till they cum in their pants. Then they are experimenting more and trying handjobs, and then blowjobs (god Tony swears the mouths on the two of them are gifts from above), and then they finally arrive to the grand finale. 

Full out sex.

One late night, after having dragged Tony up from the workshop and then stripped him meticulously of his clothes, he finds himself half under Steve who's latched to his neck as Tony makes out with James laying beside him. All three are nude and his boys are now more assured in their wandering hands, just on the cusp of delving into more.

Steve is the one who stops kissing his neck to ask him the question.

"Tony, can we...can we make love to you?"

He gently pries his mouth away from James to look into Steve's timid eyes that have a fire to them. A joke about outdated phrases for fucking is on the tip of his tongue, but then he realizes how much it took of them to ask. So instead he reaches up to gently caress Steve's cheek, who grabs onto his hand, kissing his nimble fingers; he brushes his other hand through James' hair, who leans close to kiss his bare shoulder.

"Yeah," he smiles. "I'd like that." 

Steve smiles, before an unsure look makes his way on his face. "Tony...I don't know how-"

He silences Steve by placing a finger to his lips.

"I'll show you," says with a promise, pecking Steve and then James once on their lips .

He pushes Steve to roll on his back, the Captain going willingly and god isn't that a turn on, to have their fearless leader following his commands. Steve pulls Tony with him until the genius is straddling his lap, arousals brushing against one another. James props himself against the headboard and starts stroking himself, eyes glued to the sight in front of him. Tony reaches over to the nightstand to grab lube and condoms from the drawer and then sits back on Steve, the guy's hand coming to cup the nape of his neck as if he's afraid Tony will disappear. Tony reaches behind to drag Steve's hand down from his neck, the super soldier taking time to caress each nob in the genius' spine before he reaches the destination aimed at.

"Oh," Steve lets out the word almost involuntarily as a nice blush takes over his face.

Tony looks over to James, who lets out a deep breath, watching the two of them hungrily. 

Tony pours lube out onto Steve's hand, before guiding one finger in.

"Just go slow," he says softly.

It takes time, because it's been really long since Tony has done it with a man, but his soldiers are patient and ever alert to his every wince and sigh and moan. Finally by three fingers, Tony looks over to James and asks, "Gonna just sit there, handsome?"

With lightning speed, James swiftly moves behind him, his arousal poking the small of Tony's back. He adds lube to his own fingers before guiding one in beside Steve's. 

"Fuck," Tony lets out as they bump that wondrous spot inside of him. 

Steve watches his face, drinking in every reaction as he stretches him out. Tony can feel the warm breath of James' mouth on his neck, lips nipping at the skin there.. 

"Ok, I'm ready," he nods. 

They remove their fingers and Tony helps roll a condom on Steve (because safety first). He then straddles Steve and sinks down on him, slowly inching until he rests on the super soldier's thighs. James settles behind him, rubbing his own erection in the space where Steve and Tony are connected. Steve looks up at him in awe and love, and... _jesus Tony loves them_ , loves them like pieces of himself he never knew where missing 'till they came back to him.

He starts to move leisurely, rolling his hips as Steve's own rise bit by bit to match him. James hugs him close into his chest, metal hand wrapped around Tony's length as he jacks him off. Eventually when Tony starts riding in earnest, Steve begins to pound into him, his hands gripping the genius' hips hard. Tony feels amazing, being filled completely by Steve and pleasured to the point of toe curling gratification by James. He's so close as he speeds up his movements, one hand placed on Steve's chest and the other wrapped behind him around James' head, fingers tangled in his long hair. The room is filled with the sounds of slick skin slapping against one another and loud moans pouring from each of their mouths. It's a surprise when Steve cums first, gasping out _"I love you Tony"_ as he falls into oblivion. 

The sight of Steve going over has Tony coming right there, with James' hand around him and Steve's own grip never once loosening. He makes a mess on Steve's chest but can't manage to care as he sags back into James, the super soldier leaning his hand over to swipe into the cum and spread it on Steve thoroughly. The other doesn't even look bothered by it, instead smiles worn out and happy.

Tony then notices that James hasn't cum yet and decides to rectify it. He gets off of Steve and sprawls across the foot of the bed, pulling James with him. He grabs one of the condoms and hands it to him. "C'mon."

James looks down at him with deep affection and worry. "Are you sure?"

Of course he is, besides a little overstimulation never hurt anybody. Plus he wants to do this for his boyfriend he really really cares for and loves... _jesus he really does love them_. He leans up and kisses James, murmuring against his lips. "Yes."

With fumbling hands, James rips the package open with his teeth (that's seriously makes Tony's own spent length give a twitch) and then eases it onto his arousal. Tony then guides him close, spreading his legs to allow James in. Lined up, James looks into his eyes and he pushes forward, Tony arching his back at the intrusion. God it's overwhelming and all too much, but he latches onto James, nodding at him to continue. 

James thrusts into him, sending sparks of pleasure and pain mixed together with each movement. Tony can't help the noises he makes, loud shouts declaring the indescribable feeling inside of him. When James bends his head to bury his face into Tony's neck and kiss the skin there, his thrusts turn erratic and Tony wraps his arms around his boyfriend's back, because it's all he can do to hold on as he gasps at his prostate being pounded on. He hooks his legs around James' hips, relishing in the deep soreness already settling in. He loves this, letting one of his boyfriends use his body to seek his pleasure and feeling worshipped for it.

James braces himself on his arms to look at him, watching him with possessiveness and fierce devotion. With a few lasts sloppy motions, James cums as they both gasp, arching into one another's sweaty bodies. James then sags against him, breathing harshly as he rests his head on Tony's heaving chest, still connected intimately. The super soldier places a kiss on Tony's sternum, whispering _"I love you,_ " as if the words could be permanently tattooed into his skin.

When James pulls out and discards the condom, he helps move a thoroughly debauched Tony to lay between Steve and him, both bracketing him in with their arms wrapped around him. They each place kisses on his bare shoulders, and snuggle closer to him.

"And I you," he promises in the dark as his super soldiers fall asleep beside him.

-/-

 

The next morning he wakes up alone, left with a simple note that Steve went on a run and Bucky has therapy with Sam, and of course at the bottom there's a few hearts written on it. He can't smother his smile as he stretches out, feeling sore in all the right places before he goes to shower. When he walks into the common room, fresh and dressed in clean clothes, he finds it devoid of anyone but Clint, who is just finishing up his breakfast.

"Morning," he greets, heading to the coffee machine.

Clint kinda coughs into his orange juice. "Whoa, dude they did some major damage on your neck."

Tony's knows this because he too was shocked when he looked in the mirror. He shrugs, no longer affected in the slightest. "You should see the rest of me," he wiggles his eyebrows. 

Clint snorts, stuffing the last pancake in his mouth before putting his dishes in the sink. Instead of heading out right away, he looks at Tony strangely as the genius sips his coffee. 

"What?" he asks with a frown.

Clint takes a moment before he shakes his head. "Nothing. I'm glad you're all happy together." He pauses before he says, "You're a much stronger person that I would have been in the situation. I'm just glad you worked it all out."

The archer claps a hand on his shoulder than ducks out of the room, whistling as he goes to the elevator to head down to the gym and train. Tony stands there alone in the common room and watches as the steam rises from his coffee.

What the hell Barton was talking about? 'Stronger person that he would be in the situation.' What situation? A threesome?

And as Tony stands there with a swelling ache in his gut, he wonders why does it feel like the once-steady ground beneath his feet is about to crumble away?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Screams internally cause poor Tony this is gonna hurt*
> 
> Just wanted to say I don't mean to downplay the romance of Steve/Peggy from the movies, but obviously gotta manipulate things for Steve and Tony and Bucky to happen, ya know?
> 
> Also I'm bad at writing sex scenes, sorry! skeddlediddledoo *dances away* Also! Most fanfic writers write the OT3 sex scene bareback because Steve and Bucky are super soldiers (healing factor) and tony's clean, but I still say safety first! 
> 
> This chapter ended at the kinda over half year mark of Ot3 together so eventually many things will come to light by the time a year rolls around next chapter. Let's just say that although it may seem perf, there are things that bother Tony before he even finds out the secret. 
> 
> You'll see
> 
> *sighs with the struggle of eternal pain*  
> Anways, to the present! ->


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND ALMOST NEW YEAR! :D
> 
> I'm so sorry for the long delay. God this chapter was long, but hopefully since it is lengthy it will help soothe your frustrations.
> 
> Oh wait...there's pain ahead. Shit sorry. Grab the blankets and the tissues. 
> 
> This is what we've been waiting for.
> 
>  

 

  _~the present~_  

 

There's a primal sort of feeling one gets when engaging in a fight. The body goes lax, drifting from it's usually upright position to a sort of hunched form, hands poised in the air like claws of a beast, ready to strike within the inhale of a breath. The steady gazes shared between opponents are like those between two lovers connecting eyes across a crowded room, calling out to one another to come steal one's breath away and leave their marks upon one another, as if they are the only two that exist in the world; fights though call for violence, not for shared sweet kisses, the only breath stolen comes from the quick sucker punch to the gut. 

And what does it say about Tony's life when the opponent he's circling the ring with is one of his own boyfriends?

James' face is dead set in a blank look with piercing eyes trying to delve into his soul. While it should make him shiver in fear, instead he feels practically giddy with thinly veiled anticipation; they've trained too many times like this for him to feel anything else. 

Steve stands on the sidelines waits for a moment, before he gives the signal. "Go!"

They rush at each other, Tony immediately ducking the metal fist aimed at him when he gets in range. He then brings his arm up to block the flesh and blood arm swinging around. His boys have tried to teach him that defense is the best offense if faced in a head to head with someone infinitely stronger than you; attacking leaves one open to vulnerability and a single punch from a super soldier could break a rib, which he would very much like to keep his bones in tact, thank you very much.

Tony blocks another jab, before swinging around to try and strike with a knife palm into James' neck, aiming for the pressure point right on the carotid artery. It connects, but the doesn't even cause a flinch in James as he grabs Tony's wrist, pulling it away from the area. 

"Remember, you have to hit the pressure points much harder on us. We won't feel it if you-"

Tony uses the brief interlude to his advantage as he plants his left foot on James' bent knee, using the momentum to haul himself on the super soldier's leg as he swings his right knee to ram into the same spot he was aiming for. The direct hit makes the soldier immediately release his wrist as his body goes down. Tony manages to land on his feet and staggering backwards, feeling guilty as his boyfriend groans from his crumbled position on the mat.

"Sorry," he says with a grimace, while still maintaining a defensive stance. "You good?"

James manages to sit up on his knees, rubbing a hand to his neck. He makes a inward noise of protest at the stiff movement. "It's ok doll. That was really good."

Tony looks back to see Steve trying hard to conceal his laughter by focusing his gaze down, but the shaking of his shoulders can be seen clearly. 

James seems to notice as well, narrowing his eyes at the blond. "Ok pretty boy. Let's see you try."

Steve looks up with a bemused smile, before ducking under the ropes to climb into the ring. The other supersoldier gets up, wandering over to one corner of the ring, not even bothering to leave as he leans back against the wooden post. He crosses his arms, leaning his head side to side to try and stretch his neck. 

James' eyes meets his gaze, mouth turning up playful as he says abruptly, "Begin."

_Bastard!_

Tony eyes widened as Steve makes a dive for him, aiming for the genius' legs. He somehow manages to leap over the outstretched arms, ending up in a tucked roll on the mat. He barely has time to stand before Steve is on him again, aiming a punch at him left hip. Tony swivels out of the way, throwing a hit towards Steve's head. The super soldier ducks and kicks out his leg, Tony's reaction time too slow to avoid the hit that sends him to one knee. He doesn't falter long, switching tactics by rolling over his left shoulder to get out of reach. He hurriedly gets to his feet to counter the next attack, feeling the impact on his forearm jar his bones. 

He continues trying to fend off blows, managing to turn away from the trapped corner as him and Steve fight. He is concocting a strategy of how to defeat his tireless opponent when Steve suddenly pushes him against his chest, causing him to go stumbling back. He's thrown off his game and doesn't realize the blond's scheme until it's too little too late.

Arms envelop him from behind, tight across his chest to restrict the use of his own limbs. "Gotcha," a voice whispers huskily in his ear.

Tony struggles against the hold, just for the heck of it, before finally sagging back against the toned chest. Steve smiles in front of him with a triumphant gleam in his eye, stalking closer to him until Tony becomes the cream filling of a supersoldier sandwich. 

Steve forehead touches his own, a hair's width between their mouths.

"This is cheating," Tony says lowly, lips brushing against the supersoldier's own.

"Oops," Steve says with no remorse before leaning in to try and kiss him.

Tony turns his head, smiling when Steve's lips end up against his cheek. "Oops," he repeats coyly. 

Steve groans in frustration, hands clamping down on the genius' hips as he leans his forehead down to skim his nose against the tan neck offered, placing kisses as he goes. Tony inhales at the feeling of warm metal fingers digging under his shirt to touch the skin of his stomach. There's a small thrill fizzling in his gut, the thought that anyone could walk right in on them now. He decides to tease the boys, reaching his fingers to grope Steve while grinding back into James, both men letting out a bitten off moan. 

"Is this how I'm supposed to defeat my enemy?," he asks, continuing to roll his hips backwards and caresses up and down Steve's covered yet steadily growing hard on. "Seduce them to quivering messes?"

Both sets of hands on him grip a fraction tighter, James letting out something resembling a growl.

"No," Steve grits out, practically smushing him into the other man's chest. James bites his earlobe, before whispering lowly, "Just us."

Tony barely manages to repress a smile, secretly loving when his boys get possessive. He lulls them into a false sense of surrender, scooting his right knee forward to replace his hand, biting his lip when Steve practically humps the limb. The movement did give him the goal he was aiming for, pushing Steve back a few steps to allow a little leeway room. When both of his boys seem to be ready to start stripping on the spot, he grabs Steve's shoulders and pulls himself forward, striking his knee up into the supersolider's crotch. The pained groan is followed quickly by another one as Tony kicks his heel back to meet James' family jewels. 

His boys fall to their knees, letting out curses and grunts. They may be supersoldiers, but no matter what, getting hit in the dick will always bring the strongest men to their knees.

Tony walks around the pair, fist pumping in the air. "Whooo! Jarvis, did you get that on camera?"

_"Of course sir. Might I say that your use of anatomical pleasure as a distraction was brilliant "_

Steve lets out a hiss through his teeth, cupping his injured package. "I thought we were through," he whines.

Tony turns and raises his eyebrows at the pair. "Uh, you were the one that said the fight isn't over until one of us says 'yield'." 

James curses, head flopping forward in a sign of defeat. "Dammit punk, why did you set that rule?"

Steve grumbles, obviously put out by himself. "Wasn't thinking at the time."

Tony huffs out a laugh, walking over to brush a hand through Steve's hair, planting a kiss on his forehead. He then walks over to James, who immediately lifts his mouth up, asking for a kiss. Tony decides to indulge him, bestowing a chaste kiss and backing away from the outstretched hands that come to try and grab him for more. 

"I gotta go shower," he announces, ducking under the rope to head towards the door. He hears the boys scrambling up, and he feels a bit cruel when he says, "Alone."

" _Tonyyyyy_ ," James whines.

He turns and winks at them, maybe be having too much fun teasing them. "Sorry, but you too old timers need spar. Don't think that my lucky break counts as your workout for the day."

"But.." Steve begins.

He shakes his head, turning to grab a towel from the bench. "Nope, get to work grandpas."

There are petulant sighs from behind him as he heads to the door with a soft smile on his face, especially when he sways his hips a bit for show. But he leaves the room, he turns back to see his boys already sparing each other, eager grins sported on their faces. His chest aches good and hard at the sight, but something melancholy settles in the back of his mind. He ignores the recognizable somber twinge, instead heading to the elevator to retire to his penthouse. 

Upstairs, he hops into the shower relishing when the warm water sprays across his back, loosening up the tender aches. He keeps his face free from the spray, titled towards the ceiling as he closes his eyes. 

_"You're a much stronger person that I would have been in the situation. I'm just glad you worked it all out."_

It took a few weeks to work out what Clint's words meant, but Tony thinks he's finally come to both understand and accept them after months with his boys. Steve and James were born more than 50 years before him, sharing experiences and memories through one of the toughest times in US history, the Great Depression. They went into the army together (once Steve had taken the serum), fought alongside one another in the Howling Commandos, and had found each other after 70 years of separation. The love story of the century is daunting to those seeking to find something even resembling it, but to actually try to become a part of this relationship?

It takes a hell of a strong person to date them and still feel secure with the shared history between the two.

Which he is....or at least, he's trying to be.

So he takes each day in stride, ignoring the small ache in his chest. He accepts that his boys are always going to have something between them that is unbreakable, and he makes due with the occasional bout of insecurity that crawls beneath his skin. He is lucky to be loved by them, and he won't ruin this relationship that is almost too good to be true. It will all be ok.

His inner monologue is disturbed by the sound of the bathroom door opening, causing his eyes to open lazily. He doesn't know how long he's been lost in thought but the water is still warm. The cold gust of wind that comes when the shower door is opened causes goosebumps to rise on his exposed skin, quelled immediately when a well-built body attaches to his back as another one wraps around his front. He closes his eyes again as two mouths lay kisses on his shoulder and neck.

"One of you yielded immediately didn't you?" he chortles at their ridiculousness.

"Have no idea what you're talking about," Steve says distractedly from behind him, too caught up in his exploration down the genuis' flank and around his hips. James drops to his knees in front of Tony, looking up at him under the lashes as he places a kiss right below his belly button. The water becomes background noise to his boys, lost amongst the much more demanding presence.

James smirks, eyes promising many dirty deeds. "Even if we did, are you complaining?"

Tony swallows thickly and shakes his head. No, no he most certainly is not.

 

 -/-

 

A few days later, Tony is packed up for a SI business trip to Japan. Steve and James are put out when he told them it could take a few weeks 'till his return, but he kissed them long and hard (and possibly a bit filthy) on his way out the door, with many promises to text and skype frequently. 

He has to have a small layover at SI headquarters in LA, a few days to meet with Pepper to go over budgeting, latest R&D projects, and of course fill her in on his latest details of his existent love life. After three days, he's on a private flight with both her blessing and one of her famous _please-don't-fuck-it-up_ looks. (Ah joy, the confidence in him is overwhelming).

On the jet the 12 hour flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo, he finds his attention quickly wavering. He had kept busy with meeting agendas for almost two hours before boredom hit him, swift and without mercy.

So he finally gives up and pulls out his Starkpad to connect to Jarvis back home. 

_"Sir, it's good to hear from you. I do hope your flight is proceeding to your liking."_

"God, I hate long trips. I mean, why do I have to go to Japan? Can't someone else entertain these guys? I could've been spending my morning with two gorgeous well-built guys that are great in the sack and make me feel well loved."

_"Well given that your are the CFO of Stark Industries and the Head of the R &D department, I would say your presence at the annual meeting held for International Advanced Technological Initiative is 97% guaranteed to be both productive and lucrative. Plus, I do believe by playing 'hard to get', your partners will feel your absence more profoundly and thus reward you thoroughly when you return."_

"Ugh, I hate when you speak logically J."

 _"I live to serve, sir,"_ the AI replies dryly. 

Tony sighs, before clapping his hands together. "Okay J, give me a run down of the fam."

 _"Of course. Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff are in the gym training on their hand to hand combat skills. Dr. Banner is in his private lab, working on what he states is a highly classified_ _experiment."_

Tony smirks. "He's so making silly putty."

There is a short pause. " _I'm unable to confirm nor deny that statement."_

"Mmmhmm. And the others?"

_"Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson have left for the afternoon, I believe to attend an art fair being held in Bryant Park. Mr. Odinson joined them after he was informed there would be renaissance costume competition."_

Tony stills, lips slowly curling upwards. "Did Steve and Sam dress up too?"

 _"Yes."_ His AI's voice then sounds almost smug as he says, _"though Mr. Wilson doth protested quite vivaciously."_

Tony cackles. "Oh god, please get photos. Like seriously hack NASA and use their satellite if you have to. I need those photos."

_"Done and done, sir."_

His laughter slowly seizes after he manages to get a grip on himself. "And James?"

_"He's in his room writing, as he has been for the past hour or so."_

Tony hesitates before requesting, _"Bring up the video feed J."_

On screen pops up the feed in James' room, his bed neatly made while he sits in a lounge chair near the window. He's clutching the familiar red notebook, scribbling away with faint frown lines on his face. He looks troubled, appearing smaller than when he usually inhabits the space they share. 

Tony's eyes stay glued to the notebook, a black star faded and worn on the cover. It isn't the first time he's seen it, but nonetheless he feels a sort of grieved and heavy curiosity at the image. The first time was an accident that neither James nor Steve had knowledge of. It was actually an coincidence he even learned of the book's existence. 

_He walks barefoot down the hall, wanting to drop off some new gloves for Steve in his room before he gets back from his morning run. He pulled another all nighter, refusing the boys pestering to get back in bed. After moments of brief arguing they finally conceded that he's a grown adult that can decide what to do with his time, which includes finishing up SI tech and new gear for the team._

_It's about half past five, so he figures that Steve's room will be vacant, since James' said last night they were gonna fall asleep in Tony's bed just to make it smell frustratingly like them. He's surprised though to see the door cracked open a bit, the sounds of soft voices filtering through the crack. He slows his footsteps down until he become almost silent._

_He leans against the wall to peak in, observing with slight bewilderment his boyfriends sitting at the edge of Steve's bed, their back to the door. Have you ever entered a room and knew immediately by the atmosphere that things were off? Well as cute as it can be to see Steve with arm around around James' shoulders, he knows immediately something is wrong. For one, James' hand is gripping his hair hard, shoulders quivering with thin restraint. Steve is silently rocking him, placing troubled kisses on his temple. He feels like an outsider, an intruder on these private moments between the two of them._

_Tony's so lost in his thoughts, he almost jumps when James finally speaks, voice heartbreakingly horse. "I can't get them out of my head Stevie."_

_Steve squeezes him closer, as if he could absorb the pain from a simple touch. "Buck, it's not your fault. Hydra stole your life and all the time with it."_

_"They're all dead and I should be too," James says, his fingers near ripping out clusters of hair in his grip._

_"No," Steve whispers fiercely, Tony barely managing not to run into the room and repeat the word. "You aren't and you shouldn't be. You're part of our small family and we'd be lost without you."_

_Tony's heart breaks on James' next words_. " _I remember. I remember all of them." He then chokes on a sob as Steve gathers him in his arms, tucking James' face into his chest._

_When the later wraps his arms around Steve, his metal hand is clutching a red notebook with a black star on the cover. It's journal or possibly a photo album. Tony's stomach sinks in that moment as he realizes why James is upset. His family, god his family. He remembers telling the supersoldier that he had three siblings, little sisters alongside parents, and then of course Tony was too in the moment to realize he just told the guy what missing 70 years had taken from him. And now Tony sees that it haunts him, taunting his poor boyfriend even in his dreams. He could blame it on the fact that James had hid these things so well from him._

_He swallows. Apparently just him._

_It makes a pit of despair rise in him, the fact that he knew had they asked, he would've given millions to find their families. He could've immediately scoured the globe for remaining grandchildren, cousins, anything. But he isn't apart of this, can't understand what missing 70 years feels like. That pain is theirs alone and all he can do is try to be there for them when they allow him in._

_"Remember Buck. I'm with you..."_

_There's a shaky inhale of breath before James replies, "'...'till the end of the line."_

_When quiet resignation Tony walks away, his presence going undetected that day._

He comes to when he realizes that JARVIS has been trying to get his attention.

"Sorry, J. Gotta distracted. Close video feed. Make sure the fridge is stocked and any repairs needed notified to maintenance." 

_"Right away sir."_

Tony stretches his back, letting out a content breath when it cracks pleasantly. He checks his watch and sees that his little surveillance check ate up only 30 minutes. He flops back in his seat with a groan. He starts pulling up different tabs on his Starkpad, google and some random shopping network store. He types in random things on the search engine and looks for Christmas present inspirations. Because that's coming up right, next month or something? Plus he has people that care for him and put up with his shit and so they deserve some nice things.

"What day is it J? Feel like I've been on this plane for years."

_"The 16th of December, sir."_

Tony's fingers freeze, hovering in the air as his breath catches. Sitting by himself in the jet, he finds the quiet hum of the plane engine like a stirring in his chest. He's been so busy and with upcoming meetings for SI and time spent with Steve and James, he just...forgot.

Forgot the anniversary of his own parents' deaths. Jesus.

Last year, the day had come quick and swift, Tony burying himself into the mechanics of James' arm, working feverishly to not have to acknowledge the pain of their passing, not have to work himself up to the point where he'd grow angry, drinking himself into oblivion wanting to curse his dad out for his addiction that had gotten them killed, and cry for the stolen feeling of his mother's warmth. 

And of course there's Christmas too, the holiday making him feel the pain of their passing all too much. He never much cared to celebrate and now he's glad he at least has this business trip to keep him occupied during the next few weeks. It'll be easier to be busy than to have to be back at the Tower and have to explain why he's in a grim state to people he's come to care for.

The rest of the plane ride is spent in ruminating silence, thoughts lost down a spiral of harrowing memories. He gets a few texts from Steve and James, heart doing flips in his chest when he sees that they're hoping he has a safe flight or saying how much they already miss him. It's tempting to contact them, spill out all of his pain and weathered hurt, but he decides to not reply; he doesn't need to drag them down in his depressing mindset right now. 

After a long flight, he gets to the 5 star hotel around 10 pm, tired and skin feeling like it's strung too tight. His phone buzzes in his pocket, hands grabbing it to check who it is. If it's one of the team back home, he doesn't think he has the heart to talk to them without having a breakdown on the line.

But it's not his boys, it's Rhodey.

He answers without hesitation.

"Honeybear?" 

His best friend's voice is gentle. "Hey Tones. Thought I'd give you a call."

"Oh why, special occasion?" he tries to feign nonchalance, the strain in his voice ruining the effect.

"You know why. And because I couldn't get time off to come to you, decided a phone call is as good as I can get to being there with you."

He lets out a near shaky sigh, can't help his chest expanding with something like gratitude. "Might drink a little...or a lot," he warns.

"Then it's a good thing that I already have a bottle of brandy beside me right now." 

Tony huffs out a quiet laugh, grabbing something from the stocked minibar and twisting the cap off. He pours himself a drink and says, "Cheers." He throws back the drink and relishes the burn that goes down with it.

It's moments of silence between them, exchanging soft breaths before Tony speaks up. "Rhodey?"

"Yeah?"

He swallows down the lump building in his throat. "Thanks."

He can almost imagine the same kind look Rhodey would always give him with his gets in these states. "Anytime, Tones. Anytime."

 

-/-

 

He ends up spending 5 weeks in Japan, making headway with international deals and foreign partnerships, which makes Pepper happy so he counts it as successful trip despite how long it took. He did feel bad about the length of it because he could tell when he texted or skyped with his boyfriends, they were antsy and on more than one occasion he had to convince them not to come try to "rescue" him from the clutches of "evil business drones". 

Honestly, the imagination on the two of them could be frighteningly hilarious at times. 

But god, did he miss them lots. Sometimes, when the hotel king sized bed felt too big or too cold without his two space heaters, something visceral hurt to the point of blinding pain, as if the arc reactor was still in his chest and taking up too much room to breath properly. 

He's grateful when the day comes to head home, his feet practically running to load onto the private jet and get the heck out of here. The lone flight attendant looks amused at his anxiousness but respectfully says nothing as they get ready for take off. All too slowly, they get the plane in the air and zoom towards their destination, New York City. 

He doesn't even try to feign working on SI things, instead pulling out his Starkpad to check in on the team.

" _Goodafternoon sir. My sensors indicate it is 5:15 pm in your timezone. The others will be glad to have you back soon."_

"Thanks J. Time and locations of team?"

_"New York time is presently 3:15 am. Agent Barton, Dr. Banner, and Mr. Odinson are in their rooms, currently sleeping. Mr. Wilson is on a trip to visit his family, due to return within four days. Agent Romanov, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes are in the common room, conversing."_

He frowns, concerned since usually his boys are asleep by now. "Can you bring up the video feed for me?"

_"Of course sir."_

The image is almost immediately too dark to see, but luckily JARVIS takes the time to enhance the image's brightness, similar to the ways eyes adjust in the dark. Nat and Steve are sitting on the couch, James resting between them with his head on Steve's thigh, and legs over Nat's body. It's hard to tell, but James looks drawn in, shoulders hunched as his eyes remain closed in what looks like pain. Nat rubs a hand over James' leg, her frequently sharp gaze softened in sympathy. 

 _"I hate this,"_ Steve says, voice quiet yet loud enough to be picked up by J's mics.  _"Even now when he's free from their hold, he's suffering."_

Nat's eyes slide up to the other supersoldier.  _"He was under their thumb for 70 years. You can't just get rid those memories over night."_

Steve grimaces, like the words leave a bitter sick taste in his mouth.  _"He's innocent. It wasn't his fault."_

Nat tilts her head to the side. _"Innocent yes, but just like me, the guilt we feel for what our hands have been forced to do never goes away."_ She looks down again, shaking her head.  _"The blood never washes off."_

They both fall quiet, watching James as his stiff posture slowly seizes into something more calm. Steve rubs a gentle hand through his boyfriend's hair, face settling grim.

 _"It kills him,"_  his words are choked out, like a secret barging to the surface. " _It kills him all the time to have been apart of it."_

Nat sighs, her shoulders deflating in a resigned way Tony has never witnessed.  _"You remember what Zola said. 'Accidents will happen', and they used him to do their dirty work."_

James gives an involuntary shudder, causing the two others to still. The tense moment passes when the supersoldier relaxes, remaining asleep while huddled in as closely as possible.

Nat looks at Steve, eyes indiscernible from the camera angle. She takes a minute before speaking,  _"Do you remember at Sam's house, when I asked you to be honest and tell me, if it was down to me saving your life, would you trust me to do it? And you said-"_

 _"I would now,"_ Steve finally meets her eyes. He then cracks a small brittle smile.  _"And I'm always honest."_

She nods, with a quick of her lips before her expression falls back into humorless mask. _"Do you still trust me?"_

Steve nods without hesitation.

_"Tell me then, is your life just him?"_

Something sharp stabs deep inside of Tony at her words, plunging like a knife into soft tissue. Steve looks at her, eyes wide. He seems to falter on words, not able to answer the question.

Nat continues. _"Your life has become more than just Bucky. And I will protect your life, you can trust me on that. But if there come a situation and I have to choose a sides..."_ she spares a glance down at James, expression determined before meeting Steve's eyes again. _"You know which one I would choose."_

Steve nods quickly, looking down at James. Nat stands, careful to not disturb the other man's sleep as she moves his legs. She places a hand on Steve's shoulder before walking away.

Tony numbly turns off the Starkpad without another word, quiet save for the restlessness in his mind. The pain in his chest is more prominent, the underlying blood pulsing against bones and muscle. 

If a situation called for a decision between him or James, he would choose James too. Every time. 

After 12 hours of flight and a short drive to the Tower, he finally arrives home, the team there to welcome him back with hugs (Thor's almost crushing him to a near pulp). The last to greet him are his boys, standing there with eager smiles and kissable lips. His heart aches at the revelation how much he's missed them. Anything else in the moment, including the brewing storm of trouble in his mind disappears, as they each take one of his hands and guide him to the elevator to go up to his floor.

The doors just barely close before they're on him, kissing him and starting to strip him without caution, buttons popping off and fabric being ripped. 

"God I missed you," Steve says before diving into another kiss.

He grasps Steve's face, kissing back vehemently. He wants to believe it, that they missed him just as much as he's missed them. He'll take whatever they can give, and he won't complain. God he won't. When the elevator dings, they all tumble out, stripping the last of their garments.

With a deep kiss, he lets James crowd him up against a kitchen counter, tongues exploring each other thoroughly as his boyfriend heaves him effortlessly on top of the cold marble surface. The soldier reluctantly pulls his mouth away to licks his metal fingers and then guide them to the opening, passing the ring of muscle to begin to stretch him. Even when focused on the task, James bites at the exposed scars on his chest, the sharp sting soothed as he caresses them tenderly with his tongue; everything he does leaves Tony panting as he grips the edge of the cupboard behind him. When he nods ready, James doesn't waste time before removing his fingers, taking his arousal and finally sliding in home, quickly beginning to fuck him without preamble, thrusting vigorous in way that chokes pleasured sounds out of Tony.

God, he'd choose James every time.

Steve watches them from the couch, spread out and naked as he fists himself. He also has a hand behind his back, probably stretching himself out, and jesus if that's not a kicker.

"Fuck, c'mon," he encourages James with his free hand digging into the skin of the soldier's back as he's fucked onto the counter, banging against the cupboards. He'll have bruises tomorrow that he'll have his boys press into when he demands round after round. God he's missed them. 

He tightens around James, who's moan spills out loudly in the room, moments later coming inside him. James hands flex around the his hips, harsh pants painted across the genius' chest as he comes down from his high. It a few seconds before he pulls out, helping Tony ease off the counter onto somewhat steady legs. He follows behind Tony, who is still hard as they make they're way over to the couch. Tony pulls Steve up to them, stretching on his tip toes to kiss the tall blond, who reaches for him with needy sounds pouring between their mouths. 

Tony detaches from the kiss and maneuvers Steve to bend over the backrest of the couch, loving how willingly his lover goes. He slips in two fingers easily, the gasp that follows makes Tony's ministrations more sure. Another finger follows quickly to the tune of Steve's begging, a small part wanting to draw out his teasing until the solider comes on his fingers alone. But the sight in front of him is too tempting to ignore, so he removes his fingers to line himself up to the fluttering opening, pushing forward until his hip bones rest against bare cheeks. He stops to relish the tightness and searing heat surrounding him. He is so lost in the feeling that misses the sound of James dropping to his knees behind him, only broken out of his bliss by a unabashed tongue licking at his most intimate place.

His hips thrust forward involuntary at the filthy action, causing both him and Steve to moan in unison. Tony pants before he starts thrusting into Steve with abandon, loving as the solider groans out loud his satisfaction. James reaches a hand around to jack off Steve, all three of them lost to their own pleasure for mere lust-hazed minutes until Tony finally climaxes in Steve, the later coming as James works him off. Tony can't help thrusting shallowly, trying to milk his orgasm to the last little bit fades. 

After his breathing evens out, he pulls out of Steve slowly, finally collapsing back into James open arms since his legs are too much like jelly to stand on. Steve stands up, god the sight of his backside makes Tony's mouth water, before turning around to slump onto the floor beside them, resting his head on Tony's stomach. They stay there, breathing in the afterglow of their lovemaking, finally reunited after much too long separated.

That thought makes him speak without thinking. "Maybe I should take more long trips."

He blinks and finds himself flat on the floor, being sucked off and fucked thoroughly enough that he'll be sore for days.

 

-/-

 

It's a few months later when something of great importance rolls around. 

The first anniversary.

Holy shit.

Celebrating a first anniversary is huge for Tony. For someone who's only seriously relationship had been with Pepper, it is something really big for him to take with someone...someones...two male someones...two drop dead gorgeous-sweet-amazing male someones.

He's not panicking two weeks prior to the day, honestly he's not. And because he's cool as a cucumber, he obviously does not browse through tons of blogs and websites that give advice on how to celebrate a first anniversary. He of course does not make reservations at at least ten different restaurants just in case his boys are craving variety. And he certainly doesn't even think about ordering enough flowers to almost drown a whole unoccupied floor in the Tower.

Pfft, panic. Who, Tony? Pffft. 

Two nights before the big day, when he's hiding the last of the flowers in a broom closet after transferring them from his lab, Sam finds him leaning against the door that threatens to burst open. It's around two in the morning, and he's too wired to sleep and apparently so is Birdman. He's surprised, not because someone is awake at this hour, but cause he didn't even know he has a broom closet. Does he even own a broom?

"Um," he says, feeling like he's been caught with his hands down his pants or something else compromising. "Hi..."

The guy just raises an eyebrow. His gaze goes down to the floor where a flower has sneakily escaped his detection.

Tony steps on it, while keeping an innocent face on. "Is there something you need?"

Sam shakes his head. "Nope, couldn't sleep and decided to wander the different floors."

"Oh, cool." Tony wishes he could add 'please go fuck off then' but that would be rude so he refrains.

Amusement suddenly colors the other man's face. "Hey, since we both are insomniacs for the night, how about you make us some of the famous hot chocolate Steve is always going on and on about?"

Tony panics inside, but shrugs. "Um, sure. Why don't you go get the kettle set up and I'll be there in a sec."

Sam pretends to look confused. "I don't think I remember where it is. Why don't you show me?"

Tony waves a hand. "Just ask JARVIS. He can show you."

 "I think JARVIS is sleeping right now."

Tony grits his teeth with the AI stays silent. _Traitor._

Sam smiles, motioning his head behind him towards the kitchen. "C'mon man, it won't take too long."

"Uh I don't think-"

Sam manages to grab his wrist and pull him towards him, the second of silence ruined by the door of the closet bursting open. Hundreds of flowers tumble out, leaving an avalanche of floral perfume all over the hallway carpet. 

Sam turns to him with wides eyes. 

Tony shrugs, sheepishly. "I was uh...decorating?"

Even to his own ears, the excuse sounds weak. Sam snorts, dragging him to the kitchen where he's roped into making his mother's famous hot chocolate. Sitting across from the guy with warmth filled mugs, Tony realizes he doesn't really know him all that well.

"Why can't you sleep?" he asks without caution.

Sam sips at his drink, let out a satisfied sound. "Riley, my old partner. Despite loosing him years ago, I still dream about him sometimes."

Tony stays silent, running a finger tip around the rim of the mug. "How did he..." he trials off, not able to say the word.

Sam lets out a sound, worn and weary. "We were on a mission when RPG knocked him out of the sky. I couldn't do anything, but watch him fall."

"I'm sorry," he offers, knowing it won't do much to ease the loss.

Nonetheless, Sam nods gratefully. Both of them fall silent for a few minutes.

"So...what's with you buying Home Depot's entire flower department?" Sam head tips back towards the hall.

 Tony sighs, slumped against his seat. "First anniversary is coming up soon and I thought flowers would be nice."

Sam nods, conceding. "Flowers are nice."

Tony snorts. "Yeah, but might have went a little...overboard."

Sam smiles into his drink. "Hell yes you did."

Tony huffs out a laugh. "It's just....I ruin things." Sam looks at him in question. "Pepper was my last real relationship and I'm lucky we made it out as least as friends. I'm sarcastic to the point of being a dick, sometimes absent minded when I should be there present, and I tend to forget how to function normally. I can also be a bit self destructive, which is what really drove her up the wall." He pauses, trying to make enough sense for Sam to understand. "I ruin things because I'm impatient, because I'm always waiting for the other shoe drop, always waiting for the moment when the peace is destroyed. I can't quite believe when things go right. And I just... _really_ don't want to ruin this."

Sam's face is serious, eyes compassionate. "Man, you should see how far gone they both are on you. You think you're the only one scared of this, but they're both in the same mindset as you. I can tell you Tony, you won't ruin this." His face is troubled as he contemplates something before revealing, "During our sessions, Bucky tells me things, deep shit kind things and the biggest problem he has is guilt. He always has in his head what they made him do is his fault. It's not of course, but he doesn't see himself as worthy of staying with us, being in a relationship with you and Steve."

Tony's mouth open and closes, stuck on the fact James never discusses this when him. "That's bullshit."

Sam nods. "Yeah, but he can't help what he thinks, the same way you can't help what goes on in yours."

"But he is more than deserving of happiness."

Sam suddenly looks at him intently, leaning forward to brace his arms on the counter. "Are you sure? Even if he told you some of the horrible things they made him do?" "

Tony blinks, taken aback by the intensity of the question but nods nonetheless. "Yes. It wasn't his fault." He then adds, "James deserves happiness." 

Sam looks something close to proud of... _Tony?_ Proud of what? Stating the obvious? "I agree. But just remember, you deserve happiness too. So just relax and everything is gonna be okay."

They share kindred smiles over their drinks, levity rising in the genius' chest. 

Two days later, after Sam helped Tony clear out the flowers and donate them to a couple of weddings occurring that were scattered around New York City, the genius wakes up to the smell of waffles permeating in his room. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes and sees Steve carrying a tray to his bedside, followed by a delectable looking James. The later comes and collapses on top of Tony, giving him soft kisses that cause his cheeks to hurt from smiling so hard. 

"Happy Anniversary," the soldier says, peppering kisses on his face, jaw, and neck.

Steve places the tray on the bed, sitting to lean over and kiss Tony breathless. "Thank you for the flowers and gifts, Tony."

So he didn't give all the flowers away. But hey, it's not like a few vases of flowers ever hurt anyone.

Tony smiles, rubbing his thumb on Steve's cheek while his other hands' plays with James' hair. "You're welcome." He smiles at the tray of food. "Breakfast in bed? You're spoiling me," he says cheekily.

Steve smiles at him, almost like the sun blasting straight in your face. "Mmhmm. But you'll have to sit up to eat."

Tony tries to move, but James has become an immovable object. He slaps the guy's bare back, "C'mon solider."

James grunts, burying his face in Tony's neck. "Nope, warm."

Tony smiles, instead grabbing the nape of Steve's neck to pull him down into a kiss. The soldier gives into the kiss before he breaks away.

"We already have the day planned, so don't worry about anything." 

Tony nods as James slides off him to allow him to sit up and eat. When they finish and both wander off to shower, he makes a quick note to JARVIS.

"Cancel all restaurant reservations, J."

_"Will do sir."_

His boys take him to the surprise that truly leaves him just that...surprised. Coney Island, something that he grew up hearing about but never was taken to as a child and as the years wore on, he just didn't have a reason to go. His boys changed that, each holding one of his hands as they step onto the pier together. They all wearing some of Fury's own personal stealth masks, designed to look like three completely normal dudes just hanging out at the pier. He's never felt such a rush to walk past crowds of people who don't even give him a second glance. 

They eat hot dogs and cotton candy, more than a few onlookers struck by the amount of food his boys can eat. They go on roller coasters rides that that make Tony laugh like he's a little kid, causing James and Steve to grin fondly at him. His boys bewilder the carnival workers when they can manage to knock all the bottles down or practically knock the bell off the hammer game, the people too stunned to do anything but hand over two giant teddy bears that his boys won for him. 

And when the sun sets and the fireworks start up, Tony leans against his boys as he grips tightly to James' shirt, sitting between them on the bench while feeling more loved and lucky than he has ever felt. Their masks have been shed in the cover of darkness, the world seeming to shrink to just the three of them. He doesn't even notice that his dates are not watching the fireworks show along with him, but instead their eyes are glued to the man between them, drinking in every reaction playing across his face and swimming in his beautiful brown eyes. Steve wraps an around his shoulders while James leans in to nose against Tony's temple. 

When they went back to the Tower, masks tossed to the side and two giant teddy bears now occupying the couch, there is no rush to get to the pinnacle of the night. Instead their clothes are taken off with care and gentle wandering hands, slowly and sensually. It feels like they are baring everything to one another, from their bodies to their souls, laid out next to one another in order to twine themselves together so tightly they'll never be separated. He doesn't know where each of them begins or ends.  

They make love to him slowly on their shared bed, breathing heavy and heady. Sweat gathers at his temple, near his lower back, and where the parts of them rub against one another with each movement. Each kiss and touch burn like the lick of a open flame, leaving only warmth in their wake. When he comes, it's like a firework finally rupturing in the sky, his hands gripping his boys like lifelines in the overwhelming sea of emotions.

He feels satisfied from the fuzziness of his mind to the fading pleasure that reaches all the way to his toes, muscles like jello as he lays now sprawled upon the bed. He turns his head to look beside him, watching Steve and James rut against one another, hands gripping one another hard enough to break bones, if not for the serum. He watches the sight in awe, eyes glued to the distracting way they work in tandem, like two halves of a whole. This is what they do sometimes, fight through their quick recovery times until they come again and again. At times like these, he can't look away from the way their mouths clash together, biting and kissing thoroughly enough to make even Tony feel the ghost of their lips upon his own mouth. 

This unhinged fierceness, savage wildness is something that happens before his eyes, right within a few feet away from where he lays, yet it might as well almost be another world away. This is one of the things they share between two of them; this is one of things that Tony is not apart of. 

When James throws his head back, gritting his teeth as his fingers scratch down Steve's back hard enough to leave welts, and the later leans forward, biting the brunette on the jaw in a way that breaks skin, they come, thrusting together harshly enough to knock the bed frame against the wall. They pant together, leaning against one another like two stone pillars who were built to never fall. Though both of their eyes remain closed as they ghost their mouths against one another, the sight of the two matching smiles appearing in sync makes something stutter in Tony's chest.

His right eyes stings as he calmly turns his head towards the ceiling, letting his eyes fall shut. The pleasurable warmth has faded from his gut, leaving a chill that makes goosebumps appear on the skin of his shoulders. He tires to remember how it felt sitting on that bench, surrounded by the two of them. He wishes they could have sat there forever.

There's movement beside him before a hand slides underneath his back, traveling up his spine until he's supported between the shoulder blades, bodily lifted to meet a warm and inviting mouth. He peaks his eyes open and sees Steve above him, kissing him slow and sensually with eyes closed, lashes skimming his sculpted cheeks. He lets his eyes fall shut and loses himself in the kiss, loses himself in the way this feels like dream, all too soft yet all too tangible as he lifts his arms to wrap them around his lover's neck. James joins them, hands turns them till Tony is lying on his side, caught between the two of them. Bucky's wraps an arm around him, dipping his head to rest against the back of his neck. Steve wraps his arm around him as well, leaning into to kiss his neck.

The cold never lasts long, the cold is always chased away by them. He's lucky to have them, any little piece of them. There are days when the ache in his chest doesn't even hurt, too small to be noticed when in their presence. 

He won't ruin this, he won't.

 

-/-

 

The next two months come and go in a similar pattern: wake up, work, invent, eat (more like forcefully fed), fight crime, love, sleep.

It seems normal, but he's starting to notice something is off. For one, he sometimes wakes up early to find his bed empty, despite it being nearly 3 am and too early for Steve to go running or James to have therapy sessions. It comes to his attention that this occurs regularly, in fact the first time he slept with his lovers, they weren't there when he woke and maybe the hadn't stayed the night at all. He's too much of a coward to ask JARVIS to bring up the video feed from that night to check.

And he's aware some days James is struggling, cranky and irritably past the point of his usual adorable brooding, but Tony is the one who remains in the dark about such things. They don't talk to him about it, actively avoid conversation drifting to anything that refers to their own demons. It leaves his bones feeling like they're poking out of his skin, not quite fitting right. 

He's remains patient and understanding, doesn't pry, despite desperately wanting to. He will take any piece of them they offer freely, he won't try to steal what they guard from him. He won't. But he can feel the ache in his chest become more pronounced as the weeks pass.

Days when he's exhausted from SI things and making gear for the team, he'll wander into the common room kitchen and to go grab himself coffee, only to be surprised when it's already there waiting for him. Nat will smile at him as he sips eagerly, running a hand through his hair and down his neck. He doesn't flinch when she does it, instead manages to send a grateful smile back. He accepts she'll choose Steve and James over him, he accept her choice that mirrors his own. There are no hard feelings when it comes to them, but it does not make the ache in his chest go away. In fact, it only continues to fester and grow. 

When he does fall asleep at night, he dreams of himself on a high wire, delicately balanced on the ball of one foot, feeling like something is going to give to either push him left or right.

But when that day finally comes, it's night and something did not just give, it decimates.

He's coming up from a late lab binge, JARVIS informing him it's past 4 in the morning. He's eyes feel dry, skin pulled tight across his skull. He's weary and there's a chill that travels from his toes all the way up to his spine. It's his own fault, but he couldn't stop when he's hit with inspiration. He asks his AI where James is, since Steve, Clint, and Nat are currently on their way back from a week long mission. He hasn't seen James all day, but maybe he's been too busy to check on him.

_"He's asleep in his own room sir."_

 Tony sighs, accepting that perhaps his company is not desired.

 _"Sir..."_ JARVIS pauses, as if conflicted about something.  _"Sergeant Barnes is not sleeping... particularly well at the moment."_

Tony frowns, becoming more awake as the seconds pass. "Is he alright?"

 " _No, I would not say so sir. Though Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers asked me to refrain from informing you about the former's troublesome sleeping patterns, I believe your presence would be most imperative, given that Captain Rogers is not present."_

They've had his AI hide stuff from him? He pushes down the hurt and heads to the elevator to take up to James' floor. "Tell me what's wrong," he demands.

_"Sergeant Barnes deals with excessive nightmares that makes him prone to violent outbreaks as well as mental anguish. At the moment, he's having cold sweats and nearly tearing the bedding in two. His heart rate also looks to be nearing dangerous levels and he's already scratched his face deep enough to draw blood."_

The elevator dings to signal his arrival as he scrambles out of the lift and rushes to James' room. He hears Russian words spilling from behind the closed door, words uttered like desperate pleads. The door is locked, but J unlocks it because of the perimeters are fitting of an emergency situation.

The sight that greets his eyes makes panic well up in his chest. James is twisting and turning on the bed, sweat pouring down his chest. There's a trail of blood on his cheek as he grinds his teeth together, eyes glued shut. 

Tony nears quickly to the bed, cautious enough to try not to touch him. "James," he says clearly. "James wake up."

His boyfriend is too far trapped in his dream.  _"добросердечный ."_

"James!" he tries louder. It doesn't work. "J, inform Steve to hurry his ass here!"

The solider starts to tremble. "возвращение на родину."

He tires another approach. "Ja-Bucky, Bucky it's a dream. Wake up, love. C'mon, wake up!" 

"Один!" he screams, bring his flesh and blood hand to tear into his chest, blood seeping from the wounds.  

"NO!" Tony screams, immediately reaching to grab his hand, not thinking of the repercussions.

It all happens in an instant.

The minute he touches the overheated skin, James sits up in a flash and wraps his metal hand around Tony's larynx. 

 _"SERGEANT BARNES!"_ J yells.

Tony chokes, hands grabs at the hand, trying desperately to get the excruciating grip to loosen. His lover's eyes are blank, veiled over by a nightmare he can't escape.

"James," he chokes out, tears welling up in his eyes from the pain.

JARVIS activates the room's lights, blinding the occupants momentarily. In a gut reaction, James' throws him across the room, Tony not able to catch himself as he smacks the base of his skull against the edge of the dresser. He slips into a heap on the floor, gasping against the pain flooding his head as well as the rush of air into his lungs. The room lights dim until it's pitch black before J turns on the lamps in the room. 

Tony doesn't even realize he's shaking as he looks towards the bed, James rubbing his hands against his eyes but appearing relatively more stable. He reaches a hand back to touch his head, hissing at the pain that follows when he does. He pulls his fingers back wet, seeing red drops of blood skim down the trembling digits.  

His stuttered breathing draws the attention of the other person in the room, James looking up to meet his eyes. The lovable blue eyes are clear of ghosts, but are now taking in the genius prone position on the floor with concern.

"Tony..." his voice shaky as guilt colors his face. 

Tony reaches for him with his outstretched hand, in an effort to soothe him. "It's ok, James. You're ok."

Of course the hand he unconsciously used is the one with blood on it and trembling, Tony cursing himself as horror dawns on his lover's features. James shakes his head, struggling to get out of his twisted sheets.

"Hey, no no. It's ok. It's-"

James falls out of bed with panicked breathing, rushing to his feet and lurching to the door. He runs into the lone nightstand, knocking it and the lamp it held over onto the floor. He doesn't even blink at the obstacle.

"Wait! No, James! James!"

But he's already out the door, feet carrying far from the Tony.

"Shit," he says, sagging back against the dresser. He brings a hand up to his neck, tenderly pressing against the bruises no doubt already forming. "Jarvis, make sure he doesn't leave the Tower. Inform Steve and Sam of where he ends up."

_"Of course sir. Because of his actions, I think it best to secure him in whatever room he finds."_

Tony sighs, but agrees. _"Sounds good."_

_"And I do recommend you seek immediate medical attention from Dr. Banner."_

Tony nods, tired and aching. "I will, just give me sec."

He breathes for a moment, letting the rattling of his frame ease. He has a headache steadily growing and the soreness of neck is already settling in. His eyes wander around the partially disheveled room, before he startles at the sight of something. When the night stand fell over, it knocked a concealed panel out from under the main drawer. Sticking partially out of the compartment is the red notebook.

Temptation and it's companion of confliction appear at the sight of the notebook. He thinks of how much Steve has seen this part of James, helping him through nightmares and all, and Tony wants to do that. The ache in his chest and deep, desperate yearning to help his lover make him say the next words.

"J, shut off the camera in this room. Blackout mode, code: ALPHA-BRAVO-4-6-2-3. Inform me if anyone approaches."

 _"Of course sir."_ And that's the last word from his AI as cameras and other recording devices go dark in this room; the only device left on is the thermal detection system.

He crawls hurriedly towards the nightstand, hands out stretched to grab the notebook before he pauses. This is an invasion of privacy and it could cause many problems between them, but he wants to help goddamit. If he knew the details of James' family and or small bits he remembers, he could search for them, search for anything that could ease the occasional pain in James' eyes. It could also help Steve, the memory of the somber nostalgia at their evening dance long ago coming to mind.

Without regret, he snatches the notebook and flips open the cover, seeing the front page indicating something along the lines that the notebook belonged to an Hydra officer, Vasily Karpov. The sickening part is the after his rank he put in fancy scrawl 'handler of the Winter Soldier'. 

Tony swallows down his disgust. Ok, so it's not a nice little photo album. 

He turns the page and is met with a list of words, written in both Russian and English with Karpov's handwriting. The page is titled WINTER SOLIDER and nothing else.

желание - longing 

ржaвый - rusted

Семнадцать - seventeen

Рассвет - daybreak 

Печь - furnace

Девять - nine

добросердечный - benign

возвращение на родину - homecoming

Один - one

грузовой вагон - freight car

 

He caught a few words that James had muttered in his struggle. "Benign...homecoming...one," he repeats softly, confused on what they mean. He turns the next page and it's a mix of English and Russian, explaining some sort of base with included schematics of something that looks like an electric chair.

"Jesus," he turns the page and finds it's blank bar one word written across the middle: MISSIONS

The next section is comprised of dates written in the corner of the pages followed by the descriptions of the missions assigned to the Winter Soldier. Each page has Kaprov's and a few other handler's notes followed by messy dark-inked sentences. James' handwriting stands out clear to Tony, because it's the same scrawl as that on the cute notes he always wrote for Tony when him and Steve were courting the genius.

Each page talks about the victim, their position, wealth, what they were in possession of that Hydra wanted. Some include pictures of the individual or groups, others newspaper articles. Their deaths are written coldly and without much detail. It's James' input that is gruesome, the first hand account of what these assassinations were like up close.

Pages and pages of victims, faces of those long dead. Each anguished scribble of James' making Tony feel a gnawing pit in his stomach. 

_**fractured the man's skill with blunt force**_

_flip the page_

_**stabbed him in the spinal column, paralyzing the victim** _

_flip the page_

_**put a bullet in her head** _

_flip the page_

_**shot him through the Black Widow's abdomen** _

_flip the page_

_**the kid tried to run away but I-** _

 

"God," he shuts the books, having to look away from the mission describing an assassination of a wealth family. No wonder James has horrible nightmares. The headache building up in the back of his head is starting to pulse behind his right eye, causing him to try and blink away the pain. He takes a deep breath before opening the book and flipping through the pages again, skimming the different times. By the look of it, there must be at least 50 missions recorded, spanning weeks or even years apart.

He's flipping through the pages when a date on one of the corners catches his eye.

_DECEMBER 16th, 1991._

The coincidental date sends of a strange feeling down his spine, but he frowns, deciding one more page of looking into James' past won't kill him. If he wants to be an anchor for his boyfriend, he's got to be like Steve and be a steady rock in all this mess.

He opens the page and his breath stutters in his throat as he finds an all too memorable News clipping glued to the page. It's the headline that revealed how his world had been ripped apart.

_New York, Friday December 17th, 1991: 'HOWARD AND MARIA STARK DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT'_

The tremors start slowly in his hands, imperceptible as he intensely reads a mission report in Karpov's handwriting. 

_Mission: Retrieve suitcase from Target, who will be traveling by car on Friday December the 16th. Most likely to use backroads, optimal for concealed retrieval of case. No witness, no deviations._

He timorously looks at the familiar dark scrawl running along the seem of the page.

**_smashed his face in with my fist, placed him back behind the wheel_**

**_woman calling for man, squeezed her neck until she went silent_ **  

Eyes wide as he looks at different parts of the page. The handler's cursive writing is spilling out neatly in the middle of the page. ' _As Dr. Zola states, "When history did not cooperate, history was changed. If people do not cooperate, there will be accidents."'_

Nat's words instantly come to his mind.  _"You remember what Zola said, 'There will be accidents', and they used him to do their dirty work."_

Words in James' messy scribble are all over a much younger photo of his father.

_**ACCIDENT** _

_**ACCIDENT** _

_**MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT** _

_**CAR CRASH- ACCIDENT** _

_**NO WITNESSES** _

He can hear Steve choking out, " _It kills him all the time to have been apart of it."_

 _"I can't get them out of my head Stevie."_  James shaking against their lover after they both looked through the notebook. _"I remember. I remember all of them."_

Clint sharing secretly looks with Nat to the time he's staring at Tony. _"You're a much stronger person that I would have been in the situation. I'm just glad you worked it all out."_

When he told Sam that James deserved happiness.  _"Are you sure? Even if he told you some of the horrible things they made him do?"_

He's sitting there on the carpeted floor with blood dripping down the back of his head, holding the battered red notebook with trembling hands. He looks up from the page and tries to blink away the scribbled words that are burned into his retinas. He can't breathe, can't get his throat to work properly because it feels like he's being strangled by the sheer truth of what he realizes now.

They knew. Oh god, they knew.

His chokes out a strangled sound, dropping the notebook carelessly as he scrambles back, knocking against the bed post. He tries to suck in air that won't seem to stay in his lungs. He puts a hand to his chest, trying to keep his rib cage from cracking open against the pressure of his wrenched heart wanting to explode inside his chest. The ache is now excruciating, as he stumbles to his feet, faltering foward against the overturned nightstand, hands clutching on to it to steady himself. He looks down at the book lying on the floor and hurriedly squats, picking it up and shoving it back into the compartment followed by the false wooden panel to hide it.

He then stands waveringly, wobbling towards the door and catching himself on the frame. He sucks in a harsh breath, the wound in his chest is spilling out memories and pain and disbelief and hurt and-

"J shut down blackout mode in this room, ALPHA-BRAVO-4-6-2-3," he manages to choke out before lumbering down the hall, leaning heavily against the walls as he goes.

 


End file.
